Choral Ethics: Father Knows Best

“To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter.” Euripides

Most of you know, my Dad passed away at the age of 96 this past February 29. And most of you also know he was a Master Dance Pedagogue, as well as Bob Fosse’s vaudeville partner. I have shared some of his Show Biz Wisdoms here before but there are three I would like to delve into a little deeper during the next few weeks. This wisdom, Show Biz Words to Live By if you will, is applicable in our own art form, stretching beyond dance or music or theater. All were taught to Dad and Bob as children by their manager, Frederick Weaver.

They are:

• There will always be someone better than you are, so be the best YOU can be.
• The people you meet on your way up the ladder of success are the same people you will meet on your way down, so be nice!
• There is nothing new under the Sun, so take something old and give it a new spin, make it your own.

Let’s look at Dad’s first Wisdom today: There will always be someone better than you are, so be the best you can be. What exactly does that mean? I believe it means to check your ego at the door, acknowledge other folks’ talents and gifts and use them as inspiration and motivation to become better yourself.

We all know people, other musicians as well as non-musician friends, who believe if someone has success—getting the gig or a better job or teaching position or top billing or SOMETHING—it is their own failure. Deep down, they KNOW that others’ success is deserved but are jealous and envious, nonetheless. It takes energy to be jealous and envious, energy that could be used in better ways to work for their own success.

Instead of being resentful, perhaps being respectful of other people’s achievements is the way to go. Because someone has success, it does not mean YOU have failed. There is room in this life for many people to have many successes. If you have a colleague who has a success, congratulate them SINCERELY and without reserve. You might be the only person who does, and it will be remembered when you least expect it. Your kindness and respect will be returned, somehow or some way down the line, in ways you may not expect.

It is difficult to admit someone is better than you. But what happens when you DO admit someone is better? It can be freeing, in a sense, to understand someone’s natural talent or hard work or a combination of both has propelled them to success. If you don’t think you have the same natural talent, what can you do to achieve something similar? Are you practicing or working as hard as you could be? Do you believe that a part of their success is who they know and not because they truly deserve it? And if that’s truly the case, how can you network more effectively, getting your name out there?

Every one of us has a certain amount of self-confidence about our own talent and achievements or we wouldn’t be a choral professional. And it is a healthy attitude. But being realistic about our talents and achievements is ALSO healthy. I want to work with people who are better than I am so I can push my own talents and abilities further; I am always better when I work with someone better than I am. Someone once told me, the better you become, the fewer people are better than you are, until it’s only one or two who are better. Keep striving. Keep striving without resentment. Good things will come.