Choral Ethics: Honor

“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.” Socrates

Today is the Summer Solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s wonderful to have so much light during the evening of a balmy day. Sitting outside, with an adult beverage or lemonade or iced tea, is a lovely way to cool down at the end of a hot day. A seasonal luxury, it is something we will recall in the depths of winter as we hold onto the hope lighter and brighter days will soon follow.

With the loss of my Dad in February, I think about honor and what it means to be an honorable person in our choral profession. Dad wasn’t perfect, but his behavior as a dancer/teacher/choreographer was the ideal I strive for in my own life. This is one of the things I am thinking about this first day of Summer.

And in the spirit of these lazy times, I’ve been ruminating on a few friends and colleagues, some of whom I’ve known for decades, and how they present themselves to the world. Most are just who they appear to be in public, and others are not.

One of my friends is as sweet as sweet can be, but get her in front of an ensemble, and she’s as tough as nails. Like most women conductors, she has learned that if you appear weak (AKA “nice,” “kind,” “non-threatening,” “collaborative”) you are labeled a wimp or weak-willed. Folks will attempt to walk all over you. If you behave preemptively, by being strong and no-nonsense, you are called a rude name. My friend tells me she has learned if she shows both of these aspects of her personality to her musicians; her nice and kind persona as well as her conductor persona, and she gets along quite well and is well respected.

Another friend of mine appears to be a good guy to his ensemble, to his colleagues and to the public. But he has been known to subtly—and not so subtly—undermine anyone he deems a threat to his agenda or position. He’s a Good Guy, but never cross him or you’ll be sorry. I enjoy talking and socializing with him and he’s got quite a fun sense of humor, but I would never want to work with him. If he ever perceived I was in competition with him for anything, I know he would do his darnedest to win at all costs. I have learned competitions such as his are never worth it.

A professional acquaintance is who she appears to be; high-strung, demanding excellence (she’s a WONDERFUL musician) from her students and singers, and willing to call out anyone if need be. What you see is what you get and, most often, it’s wonderful. But there are times she is just too much. I often wonder what happened to cause her to let loose as she often does. Other than the first time I saw (and heard) her behave like a Diva in public, I am no longer surprised by anything. I have a deep respect for her ability to be who she is at all times.

A few of my colleagues are as nasty in private as they are in public. I tolerate one or two of them because I must, not because I want to. Petty, sarcastic, gossipy, and generally unpleasant, they are not easy to be around. As soon as I leave the room, I know I will also be the subject of whatever gossip they indulge in. It doesn’t bother me any longer because their behavior is transparent to anyone who has eyes.

Last year, I briefly worked with another choral conductor who impressed me in many ways. He is an excellent musician but also demanding in kind and supportive ways. His way of phrasing both a correction or a compliment was perfect. And it’s also the way he is in private when he isn’t in front of his chorus. I developed profound respect and admiration for the honorable way he behaves in all things. I feel lucky to know him and have had the chance to work with him.