Choral Ethics: Honor

“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.” Socrates

I have known many honorable people in my life, both musicians and non-musicians. Some of these folks appeared to be honorable at first glance, but as I got to know them better, they were far from honorable. Heart-breaking to realize initially but after the shock wore off, I learned how to handle them. It was always interesting when my friends, family and acquaintances hadn’t yet had their awakenings about these folks and didn’t believe me. It was only AFTER they realized what I said was true that they got with the program. We have to come to our own conclusions in our own time but sometimes it’s too late.

There are different ways to handle situations, and in my experience, each type of incident should be looked at individually.

Jan* and Jen* both emailed me separately this month about their “idols” falling from their pedestals before their eyes. Both Jan and Jen are high school choral professionals, and each have learned their superiors have done some underhanded things recently.

Jan learned her department chair, whom she idolized as an example of a fine and ethical person, has been cheating on his spouse. What makes it very sad is the department chair and his spouse have three very young children and the spouse has been recently diagnosed with cancer. The other details aren’t important to our quandary here and I won’t share them. There is nothing to do except watch the drama unfold before her eyes and really, there is nothing else she can do.

Jan can refrain from gossiping and, if asked to choose sides, she can decline. She’s disappointed in him and his behavior personally, but professionally, he seems to be his usual ethical self. As you know, I HATE GOSSIP, and to participate in any gossip in this situation will only hurt the most innocent people in this situation, which are his children, and his spouse. To put it bluntly, BUTT OUT, and let others make a mess of it but DON’T TAKE SIDES! When the dust clears, you will look good.

Jen is a choral assistant and accompanist for a high school program. It has come to her attention that her boss, the choral teacher, has been playing favorites. Not only that but he has been doing some inappropriate things to promote his favorites. She didn’t tell me WHAT he was doing, only that she was uncomfortable with what he was doing.

She has always admired his musicianship and his way of handling rehearsals and concerts since she began working with him. An innovative programmer, his selections and manner of presentations are stellar, and she has felt him a fine example of music teaching. No more. His favoritism and how he promoted those favorites has gotten to her. Jen would not share with me what she meant by inappropriate, only that she no longer wants to work with him.

I suggested a couple of things. The first and most important one is this; if she feels there is an inappropriate relationship of some sort with one of the students, she should speak with an appropriate member of the school district’s administration. Jen is a mandated reporter, so she is obligated to report him. If she feels she is not being taken seriously enough, she could always report him to the police and let them take it from there. It is not her place to decide what’s best, only that the STUDENTS’ best interests are being addressed. It is all about the STUDENTS and their safety.

The second thing that she could do is resign. It’s the beginning of the second semester for most school districts and it’s up to her if she is able to tolerate the situation for the rest of the school year, or not. In any event, she should NOT confront him because it won’t be in HER best interest. If she is asked by administrators why she is resigning, she should be honest with them.

It is sad to know pretending to be honorable, when you are not, happens in the world. There are no good choices in these two situations. One solution is passive, and the others are active. Perhaps you have other suggestions for Jan and Jen.

*Names withheld