“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” Confucius
As we head toward the end of the choral year, it’s time to address a few Choral Ethics dilemmas. This week, I’ll share thoughts from a ChoralNetter as well as mine about some universal issues. Today we’ll be talking about Schadenfreude.
Jenai* has had one of her Choral Ethics issues discussed in the early days of this Blog. She directs a small choir which sings a particular kind of ethnic choral music and has had issues with the supposedly “premier” choral organization in her community. Essentially, the “Premier Chorale” has accused her of poaching singers from their group because they share the same rehearsal night. Their former director was especially brutal; snubbing Jenai in public and gossiping about how “bad” her choir was IN FRONT OF HER. There was nothing she could do about it without looking even worse.
Several years ago, before the Pandemic began, Jenai heard the former director was ill and had resigned her position. Not one to gossip, that’s all she heard about that former director who was so nasty to her, until recently. Jenai ran into a friend who sings with another group in the area, and they told her the former director was suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s. Every choral organization, except for Jenai’s, had been asked to help raise funds to supplement her care. Jenai feels many things, including a bit of Schadenfreude, but would certainly help raise funds IF SHE HAD BEEN ASKED. Jenai asked me what she should do.
I can understand how Jenai feels but my suggestion to her is to do something POSITIVE by raising funds along with the other choral organizations. Ask her friend how to go about it. Is there a Walkathon? Bake sale? Donations at concerts? Go high, no matter how low the “Premier Chorale” has gone in the past and she and her choir will never regret it.
Several weeks ago, I happened upon a current picture of an elementary school classmate of mine. Betty* was one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen, and I had been jealous of her at the time. Especially since in seventh and eighth grades, she dated the boy I had a huge crush on. I wasn’t allowed to date until high school so That Guy was merely an unrealistic schoolgirl crush for me, but she got to do what I only dreamed about. I thought she was lucky because she was so perfect; beautiful, a lovely figure and dating That Guy, what more could you ask for?
Betty was beautiful but she wasn’t very smart, and she wasn’t very nice. She belittled those of us who had not “filled out” or who wore braces or glasses. A child of divorce, Betty lived with her mother and her father showed up every once in a while, with expensive gifts and clothes, trying to buy her love, according to my Mom. If there was something popular, Betty got it first, whether a haircut, mini-skirt, or game and she flaunted it.
We didn’t go to the same high school (she and her mother moved after eighth grade) so I don’t know what happened to her, but I do know she hasn’t aged well. I won’t go into details but unless you knew what she looked like before, you would think she is an average looking, middle-aged woman. There is nothing wrong with the way she looks but she is no longer beautiful and part of me is glad. I don’t especially feel good about that, but I can’t help it. I am determined not to give her a second thought because I don’t like the way I feel.
It’s tough to hear about bad things happening to people who have not treated us well in the past. Feel how you feel but move on and don’t dwell on others misfortunes.
*Name Withheld
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