“It is impossible, in our condition of Society, not to be sometimes a Snob.” William Makepeace Thackeray
Recently, I’ve become aware I am being referred to as Highfalutin, an Elitist, and a Snob. All those things are, apparently, bad things. In my own work, I suppose I am a bit highfalutin with my repertoire choices. My chamber choir is, I would allow, elitist since it is a highly auditioned ensemble. I don’t let my Potty Mouth out in public (in private, I curse like a merchant marine if the mood strikes me) and if that makes me a snob, I guess I am. But I was raised to be what used to be called A Lady and it tends to bleed over to my work. Being A Lady or to be more PC, Polite and Respectful, is not in fashion any longer. Being real is in fashion now, more’s the pity.
I guess I should be grateful being polite, respectful and kind is NOT the accepted norm any longer. The resulting unhappy people have given me a lot of material to write about. In fact, I was worried when I became a regular Blogger here on ChoralNet I wouldn’t have enough Choral Ethics material and why my Blog is called “Choral Potpourri.” I reasoned I would be able to write about anything choral related if I called it that. I should not have worried; there is plenty to write about. It is a rare week I don’t find one or two or three emails about my Choral Ethics Project in my Inbox. (Email me anytime with your problems: I always try to respond in a timely fashion. ‘Choral Ethics Project’ should be the subject line.)
I do feel bad I am not able to write about everyone’s problems. I try to vary the ethics issues and sometimes folks have similar situations so I merge them. As is my wont to respect the privacy of those who trust me, I change details, names and even genders so my readers here will be able to understand the gist of the problem but not the particulars. Some details are no one else’s business and I respect that. It does take a bit of time to get to the kernel of the problem and cut out the rest but it is worth it to have the trust of those who confide in me.
But let’s get real. I will share something about my real life; the real UN-highfalutin, non-elitist, least snobby part: my eldest son has autism. In past Blogs, you might have read about Russell. When he was very young and we were beginning our autism journey, the school district arranged for an educational psychologist to come into our home three times a week and teach me the behavior management techniques used with him in his early childhood program so there would be consistency from school to home. If I am totally honest with myself and real about it, I learned much of what has become the basis for my Choral Ethics Project from the kind professionals who loved Russell almost as much as we did (and do). The behavior techniques have helped me with him over the years but also have had a huge impact on my own music teaching, choral conducting and running of my rehearsals.
Two of the main tenets of those behavior techniques are these: model the behavior you want from your students (singers) and it will be reflected back eventually. And for every one of your actions, there is often an equal (and many times) opposite reaction from your students. Pretty real and uncomplicated ideas but what do they mean in the real world? If you want respect, show respect and if you want loyalty show kindness. If you don’t want back-stabbing, don’t play favorites. Don’t teach down, teach up and always assume your students (singers) understand. Answer questions without impatience. Speak intelligently and chose your vocabulary with care, you are the teacher (director/conductor) not their friend. Don’t judge anyone unless you know what their situation is and if you don’t know, keep your mouth shut.
Does the Choral Ethics way of looking at our profession make me highfalutin, elitist and a snob? You tell me. Ya gotta problem with that? Get over it!
Amy Desrosiers says
I absolutely love the fact that this blog series exist. I find there is not a lot of material out there on choral ethics and internal relations and I am continuously sending these articles to my choral community here in Ottawa to raise more awareness and education when it comes to artistic and administrative decisions in a choir.
From a female choir manager’s perspective (and also from a highly-auditioned choir), it can be difficult drawing the line between being “that easy-going female friend you can joke around with in rehearsal” to full on “choir-manager mode” which can be a challenge when you need to come off as a serious professional while being a friend in difficult choir situations. Your sentence on being ‘real’ definitely spoke to me and I’ve realized that beating around the bush just makes it even more confusing and passive-aggressive to your singers. and you all get nowhere in completing tasks if the message wasn’t clear.
Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn if I’m seen as too stern when I need something such as responses/emails from my singers because it is my job and it needs to get done within a certain time frame. It’s important for me to let my singers know that I don’t play around but I also refrain from seeming intimidating as well.
I’d love to contribute as much as I can if you need more content and/or examples of interesting situations.
Thanks!
Marie Grass Amenta says
Thank you, Amy, for your comments and definitely contact me (marie {at}midwestmotet.org) with any stories you wish to share.
As a female conductor, I am pretty much in the same boat you are—if I’m too stern or strict, I’m a *witch* and if I’m too approachable, I’m a wimp.
Politeness or showing respect or watching language can make you seem *too far above* the people you work with and that’s where I’m coming from with this piece… I will show respect, I will be polite and I won’t start cussing like a sailor in my own situation. I don’t think it helps relationships in a community choral organization to do anything else. It isn’t being a snob to behave like the professional you are!
Being real means doing what you have to do without the dramatics ( this isn’t an episode of “Glee” after all). We all have friends in our organizations but if we are hired to do a job (you being a choir manager and me being a music director), we need to be able to do our jobs. If my friends can’t understand it is nothing personal when I ask the soprano 2s to sing more pp or the tenors to straighten out their tone, then perhaps they don’t belong in my choir.