How To Faint at Your Next Choir Concert

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1. Ronald Richard Duquette says

   October 9, 2011 at 10:34 pm

   Funny story not really related – but still funny.  My brother-in-law and his high school class went to DC for their senior year trip.  One of the places visited was Ford’s Theatre.  There was a performance (probably a rehearsal, actually) taking place, and the “umbrella lady” who was guiding them through, took them to the Presidential Box where Lincoln was shot, and probably used the line she’d used for years: “Please go through the box and at the end, pass out quietly!”  Now, these are 17 and 18 year old guys – and my brother-in-law is the “innocent” instigator supreme!  Sure enough, he goes through the first door, goes through the box, and just before the opposite door, silently collapses onto the floor – to be followed by the rest of his classmates doing exactly the same thing!  Needless to say, this poor woman is completely flummoxed by this behavior – “Oh.  Oh!  Oh, my! O MY GOODNESS!” – all of which is coming out in a whisper on her part.  The chaperones just hung their heads in shame and slithered away just as quietly as my brother-in-law and his classmates – and as far in an opposite direction as it was possible to go. 

    

   Believe me, I’ve seen some beauts in collapsing singers – surprisingly, mostly guys – and all of them were absolutely starving, hadn’t drunk a drop for hours, and were standing under hot stage lights on risers.  As for the perfume/cologne/after-shave (for that generation which still uses the stuff), it’s deadly.  Fortunately, in all the years I’ve directed I haven’t lost anyone to a collapse – YET.  But I was singing in a three-choir concert of the Rutter “Requiem” (appropriate, in a lugubrious way) at our church, when, after a horrible first eight or so measures, one of the visiting choir ladies slid bonelessly to the floor.  Instead of panicking, the director brought us to a halt; had us sit down; and someone ran over to the rectory to call 911 and get a priest (which wasn’t going to do this good Methodist lady a whole lot of good but hey, the nearest Methodist church was at least a mile down the road!).  In a very bizarre way, it helped focus our minds wonderfully, and when we restarted, it was the best darn performance of that piece we’d ever done.  It is NOT, however, a method I’d recommend to get past a rough passage in a piece of music!

    

   Ron

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2. Benjamin Kornelis says

   October 9, 2011 at 8:27 pm

   I tell my folks, “Deodorant, yes; perfume and cologne, no.”  And “‘No scents’ makes good sense.”

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3. Marie Grass Amenta says

   October 9, 2011 at 10:58 am

   Hi Philip,

   You’ve forgotten one thing.  I’ve cut and pasted my traditional warning to my singers.  This warning is  to my adults.  I’ve had kids faint for the reasons you mention but adults have there own issues.  Not being up on the risers, we don’t know  the atmosphere up there but my singers sure do tell me why they take a tumble.  Rather than point anyone out–ladies (sopranos) sure do LOVE their Chanel #5!–I tell ’em all. 

   Marie

   PLEASE, do not pour on your favorite “eau de stinko” fragrance.  Be clean and don’t use lots of “products” on concert day.  As silly as this sounds, I’ve had singers FAINT DURING THE CONCERT because of some other singer’s scent or hygiene.  Don’t laugh–it’s happened and has happened to my ADULT choirs!

    

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