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What we cannot control

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zanderpossibility.jpgChris Rowbury has been reading Ben Zander’s book (one that I also heartily recommend!).
 
Chris was inspired to blog about one of the lessons from the book – not worrying about what you cannot control.
 
From Chris:
This incident reminded me of the many times in rehearsal when people are late or don’t turn up or haven’t done the preparation. I begin to feel angry and tense and sometimes (despite myself) it leaks out.
 
It’s most evident when working with a small group. If you have a singing ensemble with eight singers and both altos are absent at a vital rehearsal, it feels like everything is falling apart and you just won’t be able to do the performance. In a small theatre company you plan to rehearse a vital scene just before the show opens, but the two principal actors are away that week and you just can’t do it without them.
 
It’s very easy to forget that people have a life outside art. That most people have jobs, families, other hobbies, illnesses, etc. If it’s our job to lead a choir or run a theatre group, we can end up thinking it’s the most important thing in the world. We are so focused on it that we forget that it might not have the same priority for other people.

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  1. Lateness is never a problem for me.  It’s absenteeism.  It’s all very fine being understanding of absenteeism, but why does it always seem to be either the same individuals, or one line that it plagued by this?  I know my absentees and can almost tell when they are about to miss a rehearsal.  But I was certainly caught off guard when one of my sopranos sent me by word of mouth word short notice she would be absent before our end of term rehearsal and would miss the concert which took place about a week ago.  I can live with some absences in most circumstances, but this was a pretty tough one to swallow.
     
    Of course a choral director cannot afford the luxury of letting his/her thoughts go free.  I find the best way to handle the situation in my small choir (where I have to use another language than my native one) is to give a gentle sigh.  No doubt everyone knows what it means, and those who are present are sympathetic because they realise that I am not the real victim of the situation.  They, themselves, are.  The closest I come to being mean is to remark that although we have done a piece the previous week, but we need to look at it again this week, all in a very neutral way   But I do note the reaction of those who have already done the work and are condemned to fruitless repetition.
     
    Of course there are emergencies and genuine reasons why a chorister cannot be present, and these must be respected.  However, they tend not to happen regularly.  But genuine reasons apart, is it excessive to expect as high a standard of attendance as a choirmaster must adhere to?  For the sake of the morale of the group, I think not.

  2. For me, part of the key is minimizing the risk of being surprised. With regard to "acts of God and nature"  I always try to anticipate and prepare for the worst case-scenario.  With regard to "expectations" I can control or eliminate most risk because I never expect my choir to do what I ask them to; I only expect them to do what I will assess.  The latter allows me to determine the proper balance for the goals of the ensemble and the goals of the individuals.  I also save room for dessert, I am usually quite impressed by the assessment of what the singers do, and even more so when they do what I ask.

  3. I have read this book several times–in fact, it’s on my bedside table.  I think this is an important lesson to learn for all directors, etc., but especially for those of us who direct smaller groups.  I never imagined being in the position I am in many times–a chamber choir dosn’t give you  much wiggle room–but have finally learned to pray the "Serenity Prayer" .  I can’t control illness or accidents or other issues but I can control how I handle them in relation to my choir.  I think the quote is, "Man plans and God Laughs" or something like that……God must be having a Laugh-Riot with me, that’s for darn sure! Several of my singers–all choir direstors/music teachers–understand this and when I tell them I’m going to my "Zen Place" they laugh and ask what they can do to help.  When one person is sick for a performance and you have two on that part, you have to do the best you can. And then accept the result. And move on.  A few of my singers still don’t understand this and think I don’t care or…..who-knows-what.  The lesson is–what can you do?  You can be upset, blow up, have a tantrum or you can use that energy to deal with it and change your "important" plans. And learn something, find a creative solution and find out your singers have a wealth of strength within themselves.  And that’s the take-away lesson.
     
    Marie

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