Choral Ethics: Uncomfortable Blog Update

“An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.” George Bernard Shaw

I am re-running four Choral Ethics Blogs which I feel are topical and important for the month of August. I am taking a bit of a break but will be back in September with new blogs. MLGA

WARNING: Could be a trigger for some.

I met Sarah* a few years ago at a choral conference. She was a regular Choral Ethics reader and knew I would be at this conference. She wanted to meet me in person to ask my advice about something bothering her. I had set up my “Choral Ethics Café” in the lobby of the hotel and we arranged to meet. Soon Sarah, with two cups of coffee in her hands, arrived with a smile.

Sarah was a lovely young woman, and we shared a bit about our personal lives and our professional lives. I spoke of my family, and she spoke of hers. We talked about our houses and the best brand of frozen pizzas for rehearsal nights. It was a lovely chat, and while I enjoyed it, I also wondered what she wanted to talk about.

After we spoke for a bit, she began to gradually get jittery, wringing her hands and seemed nervous. I finally asked what she wanted advice about; she started to cry. I told her we could go to a Ladies Room in the hotel I knew had a sofa and steered her toward the escalator.

We made it to the Ladies Room, and she began to sob, great gulping sobs. I told her I would listen when she was ready and suggested we do some Alexander Technique breathing to help calm down. I was getting worried about what she wanted!

She finally calmed down and explained she was the director of choirs at a medium sized liberal arts college in the Midwest. She was up for tenure that year and the chair of the music department was threatening not to recommend her to the tenure committee, unless she did what he asked her to do. And it was awful. She shared a few other details and asked for advice, including if she should tell her spouse. Yes, she should tell him, I advised, as soon as possible. I suggested she gather her allies—her husband and the HR department and an attorney—and listen to their advice. Her spouse would be most important for both support and advice.

Sarah’s story has troubled me for quite some time, but I hadn’t heard from her for several years. It was over the summer, when three ChoralNetters contacted me and asked about her that I decided to see what happened. She is doing well, her child is now a preschooler, and she gave birth to her second child over the summer. She updated her story and thanked me for my advice.

I won’t share the complete and complicated story but after she told her spouse what was going on, he insisted they speak with the college’s HR department. It was eye-opening to speak with them; they were in the process of ousting the music department head due to similar complaints over the course of ten years.

HR had enough information so her testimony was not needed but she could add her name to the list if she would like. She decided not to add her name, with the understanding if she was needed, she would comply. The department chair was given the choice of “early retirement” with three-quarters of his pension or being charged criminally. He chose early retirement but there’s always the chance someone will press charges before the statute of limitations runs out if they so desire—the Sword of Damocles, if you will.

I asked Sarah if she was satisfied with the outcome and she said yes, for the most part. But has vowed never to let anyone get away with what that person seems to have gotten away with if she can help it, though the option to press charges does help. She wishes she had added her name but at the time, didn’t feel strong enough. She did receive tenure and really loves her job, the college, and the community. And that’s good enough for now.

*Name Withheld