“Make yourself do unpleasant things so as to gain the upper hand of your soul.” W. E. B. Du Bois
Donna* and I have been corresponding since late last fall. After a move, due to her spouse’s job, she found a church position. She began last August, 12 months after their move, contacting me within six weeks of beginning. She is an organist as well as a choir director but was hired as “just” choir director. She was organist/choir master in her last position, which entailed not only directing the choir but playing for all services, weddings and funerals; it paid well but was stressful. She thought it would be pleasant to get her feet wet in her new community with a less demanding job. Hah!
On paper, her new position seemed idea; directing one adult choir, with one weeknight rehearsal, directing the choir for Sunday and Holy Day services, as well as regularly scheduled staff meetings. It is less time-consuming but perhaps much more stressful than she imagined. Where is her stress coming from? Guess.
The organist, Elsie*, is a lovely older woman who has been playing for this congregation for almost 40 years. While an adequate musician, her playing is ordinary. And Donna, who is a bit of an organ virtuoso, has had to bite her tongue more than once when told how lucky their congregation is to have her. Elsie has a cycle of music she uses over and over year round for preludes and postludes. She plays well enough but never veers from her comfort zone. Her hymn playing is fine but predictable and seems to be an “old lady mean girl” if you know what I mean.
Elsie insists her friend substitute for her when she is not able to play, even though she has been told Donna is perfectly capable. But Donna does need to be told when she will be needed. Her friend showed up to one Sunday morning service to play without Donna being told. Donna accompanied her choir, since the Sub hadn’t been to rehearsal during the week. Elsie yelled at her for doing so when she came back.
The choir is stuck by attitudes ingrained in them by their former choir director, Dave*, who had been in that position for about 25 years. They won’t warm up because they believe it to be a waste of their time when they could be “singing”…and I use quotation marks because Donna did. Dave was not a trained singer but a trumpet player–you know, a real musician—and believed he couldn’t get as much accomplished in rehearsal if they took time to warm up. At least, that’s what Elsie told Donna. Donna is a trained mezzo-soprano and tells me the choir’s voices sound tired half-way through rehearsal. She knows if they warmed up and allowed her to teach some sort of vocal technique, they would not tire as quickly.
There is a cycle of anthems Dave used. Donna refuses to use many of them since some are just not that great musically or are old and hackneyed. The choir is quite displeased because it’s what they are used to singing. When Donna does program one of their favorites and they rehearse it, it’s as if all the want to do is sing the anthem, they don’t want to rehearse the anthem. If she stops to correct a note or rhythm, they will either not stop and continue singing or claim Dave let them make that mistake because it sounds “better.” And so it goes.
Donna wants you to know, she didn’t accept this position meaning to shake things up. She accepted this position to get back to doing what she loves and what she believes to be her calling; to use her skills for the greater glory of God. She is the professional with her own experiences and opinions…..and yet…and yet she has been relegated to being a “Dave Clone” and that’s just not fair. I have written one or two other Choral Ethics Blogs about leaving a mess for those following you; here is another example of someone doing just that.
Donna wants to know if she should resign after Easter. I told her to think what would be best for her and then make her decision. Does she need the money? If she does, then she should sit tight until after Easter, and then begin looking around for another position. If she’s really miserable and doesn’t need the money, then resigning after Easter makes sense. She will need a reference from her current boss so it’s best to leave on good terms, even if that’s not how she feels. What would you tell her to do?
*Name Withheld
Scott Dean says
Agree about an interim after a long tenure in leadership!
The last words of a dieing church or choir: “we’ve always done it this way”.
Keep up the good work
S.
Scott Dean says
Conflict take so much emotional energy and time. I think everyone is conflict adverse. It can be so painful, unpleasant, just downright hard!
First, follow the Biblical process for addressing conflict. Has she tried having a “formal” conversation with the organist, then one with others present, and escalating that?
There is no mention of Donna speaking to her supervisor, and if she has one, her Elder, Committee Chair or other volunteer representative to a board of church leadership. Equal colleagues without supervision is a fundamental problem so this problem will persist with future employees until she reports the situation to her supervisor.
Is there any volunteer leadership of the choir? Even if there isn’t formal leadership their is likely informal, perhaps unspoken peer leadership. Might there be others she can also speak with individually who are open to change and will support her development of the choir back to health?
Of course, even if she does these things she may decide to leave, but ethically I believe she has a responsibility to take at least some of those steps before leaving, especially leaving before the end of the season.
I am a f.t. director of music and worship at a large church so am very experienced 🙂 in church setting conflicts at most every imaginable level. When involved personally involved conflict one of my practices is to seek what I “own” in the conflict, even when it seems like I have no part whatsoever. I pray asking “show me”. Invariably there is something I can learn and improve from. When working with others I ask them to do the same.
I would encourage Donna to think about the review process she took before taking the job, including reviewing the process the church took of hiring her. Was she thorough enough, and was the church (that is always revealing to me about the church and its leadership). I would suggest one thing she missed would be who has authority over what decisions to be made regarding the organist and the choir, substitutes, etc. It is helpful to have that in writing to be certain all understand and agree before starting. That would be something for her to get clarity on before going into her next job.
Over and again I’ve seen music and worship leaders in conflict, and when I was National Chair for Music in Worship of ACDA horror stories of directors under duress and unhealthy groups of singers who have been called and anointed to lead worship. What better way to distract God’s people from His love, the grace of Jesus, and the peace and empowerment of the Spirit than that? Yes, it is a spiritual battle, and worship leaders are on the “front line” just as they were in the battlefields of the Old Testament.
So Donna, survive, but do your best to not let little ol’ red legs win.
Marie Grass Amenta says
I wholehearted agree with you, Scott. Your first sentence, “Conflict take so much emotional energy and time. ” is especially important. In fact, that may be the most important take-away: it’s takes time and emotional energy to deal with situations such as this. Why do we have to? Why do church folks think we should? And yet, many churches believe if there is not some sort of drama happening because of the ” we’ve always done it this way” syndrome, they are not being true to their faith or loyal to their previous leaders.
Getting it in writing is another important point you make. We are emotionally battered at the end of something like this, often not trusting anyone in our future positions. If we have a spelled out “who does what” agreement, it can take some of the stress off and be better for us in the long run.
Your suggestion of doing “due diligence” when looking for a position is another important point. And ethically, she should at least try to speak with the organist, her supervisor (as I understand it, the senior pastor), and choir leadership. But I understand why she might not want to.
Thank you for your comments and sharing your experience!
Marie
Anthony Doherty says
What David said. It’s a difficult situation. Most likely the situation will finally change in time — a lot of time — as the existing personnel move on one way or another. Even then, cleaning and repairing the situation is apt to be messy. Yes, I think Donna should resign. Were she to stay on, she would always be the one who causes trouble, trying to upset the choir and organist’s comfort zone. The silver lining in this case is that, based on this experience, Donna can prepare herself for the next interview with a clear and positive statement of her qualifications and expectations. She might, for instance, consider asking for a one-on-one meeting with the incumbent organist to see how they will work as a team. In sort, be very professional and positive. My best wishes to her.
Marie Grass Amenta says
Thank you, Anthony, for your comments.
My impression fro Donna is she will resign sooner, right after Easter, rather than later. I also believe this congregation should have hired an interim choir director before looking for anyone permanent. And while it’s wonderful to have had someone in a position for almost 40 years, it might have been time to evaluate what was best for their congregation. With long-time situations, emotions often take over instead of what is really best .
I think have a one-on-one conversation at the beginning of any future positions is a wonderful idea, thank you!
Marie
David M. Spitko says
A few thoughts …
1. Has she had a long sit-down with the Pastor? What is her/his positions and thoughts about this? Your friend may have a supporter who might be willing to back her up with the needed changes to improve the choir and deal with the organist.
2. If the Pastor is not prepared to stand by her 100%, she should resign. She is not going to move this mountain. However, her year spent might not be for naught in terms of her mission as a musician. It is not uncommon that the first replacement of a legacy choir director is a short term position. It is possible your friend’s replacement will be able to implement some necessary changes. For the church choir and the organist to be “shaken up” (if that is possible), if she can afford it, I would give two week’s notice after Easter. I recommend the resignation be in writing listing in succinct fashion (with all the anger edited out) the reasons for the resignation. Although, if she has not “warned” the Pastor, s/he may be angry not that she left but that s/he was not consulted prior to the resignation.
3. This sounds like a part-time position. Unless it is a rural congregation … there are lots of part-time positions out there. Pay is not great … but they are out there. Although, as she is seeking just a conductor position with a separate part-time organist … and she is a really good organist … not sure she will ever be satisfied with her organist. Finding a church with two part-time positions and both of them being *really* competent … not likely. She may have to go back to being an Organist/Choir Director.
4. Interviews for her next position – just be honest. Many an applicant has to say, “I picked the wrong position. The congregation’s wants and desires did not match mine.” When asked what were the divergent desires? Come up with one sentence that summarizes the situation. Something like, “For example, the choir declined to allow me to warm them up; they were more interested in running music in rehearsal rather than rehearsing the music and did not hesitate to tell me so; and the organist, who is a legacy musician, declined to step out of her comfort zone musically which impacted my ability to improve the choir and overall music during the services.” If a potential employer is scared off by that … she does not want that position either.
My two cents.
David Spitko
Marie Grass Amenta says
Hi David,
Your raise valid points. I am not always able to include all details in my columns but I can tell you she has spoken with the pastor. He’s the one who told her they are “lucky” to have the organist. As well, I think she would be fine with an organ/choral position or just organ or just choral.
This position fell into her lap so it was not something she pursued. I also believe she thought she would stay one or two years to maintain her skills and be doing something while she looks for something bigger.
I totally agree with your 4. point , with the caveat she not volunteer that information. If she is asked why she left, then she should be honest. Committees tend to be scared off if you volunteer something like that but if they ask, they want to know.
Thank you for your comments!
Marie