Choral Potpourri: Choral Ethics; Gossip for Good

“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.” Walter Winchell

I hate gossip. In fact, I hate it so much when someone is spreading any ugly rumor; I refuse to acknowledge they’ve spoken. This doesn’t mean I don’t listen to gossip; I just refuse to join in the fun or spread it. Many times this strategy makes me look stupid or hard of hearing but I don’t really care. I stick to my guns, not taking delight in tidbits I don’t believe are true or appearing to get some sort of sick joy in others misfortunes; Schadenfreude is not my thing. I was raised this way and tried to raise my sons the same way; it’s not nice to spread nasty gossip or rumors you do not know as fact; it hurts people.

This brings me to today’s Choral Ethics subject: using gossip for good. A regular Choral Ethics reader wrote to me about how she has tried to nip gossip in the bud whenever she hears something nasty. She’s had some success in derailing gossip by actually spreading “good gossip,” using a technique she thinks everyone should try.

Abigail* tells me she could no longer stand to be around several of her colleagues at District or State. Choral Festivals were torture because they wouldn’t stop gossiping. Everyone was fair game; from music teachers to band directors to students. She often wondered what they said about her when she wasn’t around. They discussed things like who did or didn’t get tenure and how well—or poorly—programs did at contest. Or jobs that someone applied for and didn’t get or DID get and made a hash of. They critiqued guest conductors’ performing attire and choice of repertoire during their performance. Someone’s weight, especially the students, was tittered about through every ensemble’s performance and often through a whole concert. Lest you think it was only the women, it was not; this raging gossip crossed all gender lines.

Their gossip was distracting to say the least. Abigail wondered why they brought their students to Choir Festivals or attended District or State if all they were going to do was talk, not listen to the music. And isn’t the whole point of Choral Festivals and District and State to listen to and to make music? What really made Abigail sick was; the truly and obviously gifted students were the ones much of their vicious gossip was directed towards.

So what is this technique Abigail has been using? When confronted with something nasty, she counters with something either good or kind about the “gossiped about.” She calls this counter-gossip. For example, if a colleague talks about someone’s weight she might mention she knows the person has recently beaten cancer, and isn’t it wonderful? Abigail might offer examples of good works a student might be doing instead joining in the verbal degradation of their talent or, be amazed—aloud–at their ability and work ethic in spite of hardships.

She tells me she began to use counter-gossip in frustration at a Choral Festival when her college roommate was a guest conductor. Macie* had just started back to work after a year dealing with cancer. Her chemo treatment regime caused her to gain weight and develop a “moon face.” Macie didn’t look like herself, but she was alive, on her way to being cancer-free and that was the most important thing. When her gossiping colleagues started in on Macie, Abigail mentioned she was her college roommate and had beaten cancer; that shut them up pretty quickly.

Abigail began to see the wisdom of counter-gossip with that first experience. She began to collect “good news” before going to District or State or a Festival so she would have material to use. Lately, there has been less reason for her to collect that “good news” because those gossiping colleagues seem to have adapted counter-gossip as their own. And she couldn’t be happier!

*Name Withheld