“I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.” Thomas Jefferson
In the last two weeks, I have had five people contact me about politics. I don’t mean friends or family or acquaintances sharing Facebook stuff but CHORAL DIRECTORS wanting advice about how to handle political conversations during rehearsals. These are nasty and unpleasant conversations, often disrupting their rehearsals. Three of the five directors direct adult community choruses and two direct church music programs. All tell me, in some fashion, there are hurt feelings abounding because of what has been said before, during or after rehearsal. How should they stop it? I have no idea!
I had a taste of what these folks are talking about during my own November concert, right after the presidential election. One of my singers was being a “sore winner” and making nasty remarks about the loser to his colleagues during intermission in our Green Room. Those colleagues told me and…..sigh…..after the fact, there was little for me to do. We start rehearsals again in a few weeks. And I have been thinking about how to handle the potential political disagreements I am afraid will occur.
After really, really, really thinking about how to calm the waters in rehearsals during, you must agree, one of the most difficult times in our history, I’ve come up with a few ideas. These are not the End All or The Answer to this problem, but I hope to defuse some of the unpleasantness before it begins with a few of these come-backs. I will use them if I need to but, perhaps, I won’t need to–I can only hope!
- I declare rehearsal time–before, during and after–a “politics-free zone” with NO EXCEPTIONS.
- We are all here for the music. If you want to talk about music, talk about the music. If you want to talk about politics, don’t.
- Your fellow singers are your friends. Friends don’t hurt friends on purpose.
- Think of choir practice like a Fancy Formal Family Dinner Party or other Important Social Gathering; you don’t talk about Politics or Religion (if yours is a church choir, then you DO talk about religion) or Sex during that time. Even if you all agree on the Politics or Religion or Sex!
- We are united when we sing. We have shared dreams and goals, together, when we sing. Sing more, talk less.
- Some of us in choir have the same political view. Some of us have the opposite view. There is room for all views in choir. If we are able to be pleasant and kind to each other, we can work together for the greater good of our choir.
I would love to hear your solutions and your comments and what you have done in your own situations. Please feel free to respond here. Thank you in advance!
Cynthia Lillian Frank says
Thank you so much for writing about this. Having both the Women’s March and the March for Life on singers’ lips at rehearsal made us quickly renew our dedication to our choir being a safe place for one and all. No partisan politics or advocacy at rehearsal or during breaks.
Marie Grass Amenta says
Thank you Cynthia for commenting and sharing your solution. Sounds like you have your situation well in hand; being a *safe place* should be the goal for all of us.
Marie Grass Amenta says
Thank you for your comments, Kevin. I really like the term you’ve used–*Community Norms*–for helping in this situation. One of my emailers told me they had evoked their Mission Statement in their situation–so that would be their already established Norm–and they hoped it would help defuse the situation.
In my own situation, I have a one-on-one debriefing for each member of my chamber choir after each concert cycle. We have occasionally amended our By-Laws after those debriefings if enough folks are on the same page for a unique situation. I would be afraid to have even a 30 minute discussion in rehearsal after our last concert! There is so much anger and belligerence I would hate to do anything to bring it up again. The singers who approached me about their colleague’s nastiness wanted me to throw him out–I can’t do that! But I can suggest they leave politics outside of the rehearsal space. And I will ask for suggestions for By-Law amendments when we debrief again. If the behavior continues this concert cycle, I will kick him out.
Never in my life would I have thought who would be elected president would cause so much trouble in my community chamber choir!
Kevin Parks says
There is no doubt that preparedness to frame or redirect people through the transition from ‘the outside world’ into ‘choir world’ is one of the psychosocial skills a choral director needs to have in their tool kit. While there’s little one can do as about what happen outside the rehearsal space and time (especially for adults, we need to take responsibility for our actions and reactions) choirs can take collective responsibility for their behaviour toward and treatment of one another by establishing and following Community Norms. Under the circumstances it may be time to formalize these norms so everyone is aware they exist, not just as a set of unstated mutual understandings, but some defined parameters about how choir members will interact with one another.
Perhaps it can be specified that these Norms apply to interactions beyond the choir rehearsal setting, but they must at least be in effect from the moment people walk in the room and begin interacting with one another in preparation for rehearsal.
It would be worth taking part of a rehearsal (30 minutes?) to have a discussion about this and have the group make the Norms up themselves. Of course you may want to have some ideas about what needs to be included or even excluded from the list the group ultimately comes up with. A Google search would likely yield some helpful resources on writing community group norms. Clear, easy to understand statements of behaviour expectations covering general principles. Respectful speech, making ‘I’ statements, listening more than speaking, one person speaks at a time and other(s) listen, avoiding sensitive topics (specifically…–if that helps), agreeing to disageee when needed, choir director is moderator of group conversations with final word on when to move on, keeping focus on music/learning are some sample point to include.
This community building, concensus driven exercise can probably be done in one session. It’s not meant to deal with specific concerns, more with generalities that provide framework, guidance for dealing with interpersonal issues which may arise. A way to help people understand what is expected and guide them in effectively interacting among themselves. If the exercise seems to be getting bogged down a more formalized approach may be needed, involving a small group/committee writing a list reflecting basically held common standards which may then have to be imposed has the way forward if there isn’t full agreement.