What we do belongs to what we are; and what we are is what becomes of us.” Henry Van Dyke
I have to confess; I finally am comfortable with who, and what, I am and my reputation. But it’s only within the last fifteen years I have been able to say that.
My speaking voice is ‘way too high for some but if I pitch my voice lower, it isn’t good for my singing voice. So I choose to keep my dependable high B flat (and her flighty sister, my high C) rather than force my voice to speak in a lower range. I’ve tried, in the past, to speak more “seriously” by pitching my speaking voice lower and it’s bothered my singing voice. I’m not willing to do it anymore just because of some societal view of how women should sound to be taken seriously. Many people think I’m a ditz when they first hear my speaking voice, but after a while, know I am not. And if they still think I’m a ditz, I don’t care. It’s their misconception women with high voices are stupid; and their mistake when it comes to me. They should watch out because I will astound them when they least expect it!
My whole Choral Ethics project is testament to a reputation of being kind to singers and respectful of other musicians working with me. Before I decided to be true to myself, I was worried I would be considered a wimp or stupid if I followed my own value system. But one day, something clicked into place and I decided it was better to live with myself and sleep at night rather than follow anyone else’s idea of what I should do, or be. Now I am thought of as being an innovative programmer, having a dependable solo voice, someone active in community arts advocacy as well as having a reputation of being fair in rehearsal. But I am not a push over and don’t put up with nonsense. There is a fine line between being a wimp and being a witch and I try to walk it.
Being comfortable with ourselves is the first step in being comfortable with our reputations. And it takes a while and a bit of soul searching to decide who you are, what you want your reputation to be and to be comfortable with it. Now is the time, before rehearsals begin, before the days (and nights) get busy with all the details of teaching and directing for you to take matters in your own hands. In order to be in control (something we directors and conductors like to be) of our reputations, we have to take control. So, do it. Do it now before the choir year gets away from you. It’s worth it!
Eugenio Costa says
Well, this post really refreshed me as it reflects many aspects of my own situation – not in voice pitch, which is neither low nor high, as in my overall credibility as a choir director.
You say “if they still think I’m a ditz, I don’t care”: IMHO, that’s the key to our self-respect, which gets very easily overwhelmed by somebody else’s (real or imaginary) judgments.
Just as a singer’s joy when singing spreads out to the whole audience, a director’s self-confidence “infects” his whole choir. After 20-plus years of choir conducting, seeing more and more new singers get gradually better acquainted with their voices and every day happier for having stepped into singing with my help, only about last year did it suddenly become clear to me that the efforts made to stay true to my views (which BTW seem to be identical to yours) were actually paying off in full.
Although never to be taken for granted, one’s reputation may come only as a secondary effect of how well his/her job was done, so that’s the only way to manage it…
Thank you, all the best and keep on digging into the matter!
Marie Grass Amenta says
One of the most difficult things is to stay true to your own values. When we are young conductors, we don’t really think about it because we are just trying to do the job. It is only with a few years of experience under our belts we are able to step back and think.
Reputation isn’t often thought of as being an offshoot of doing our jobs, but it is. That’s part of “the being true to yourself and your values” part of it. It can have an impact on our careers whether we realize it or not.
Thank you for your comments!
Marie