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Wellness

Midweek Meditation: Letting Go of Perfectionism

June 14, 2022 by ACDA 1 Comment

With this post, we welcome choral conductor and certified meditation teacher Steve Grives in his first post for a bi-weekly blog entitled Midweek Meditation. This blog will address issues pertinent to choral professionals through the lens of mindfulness and meditation. He will write about his own meditation practice, share some stories from his professional life, and offer practical ways to integrate mindfulness into your individual self-care routines. Later, he’ll discuss effective and appropriate ways to integrate mindfulness concepts into your rehearsals. He plans for the blog to be both informational and inspirational.

By Steve Grives

Choral conductors are some of the most earnest and hard-working individuals in the music profession. Most of us hold multiple positions, and many conductors struggle with maintaining a healthy work/life balance. And, while there are many approaches to teaching and conducting, successful conductors share a solid work ethic, compassion for their singers, and have high expectations for themselves and for their ensembles. It is easy, however, for highly motivated individuals to veer into perfectionism, an unrealistic expectation of flawlessness that can adversely affect both individuals and their ensembles. As a recovering perfectionist, I understand the physical and mental toll that this distorted mindset can have, and how the constant striving for more can color even the best experiences.

About twenty years ago, I conducted a performance of Vivaldi’s Gloria at Carnegie Hall in New York City. The 150-voice choir I assembled was composed of my college/community group, the choir from the local high school, and other ensembles from Colorado’s western slope. I worked hard on this project; I recruited the participating ensembles and coached and rehearsed each group prior to our residency in New York. When we arrived in New York, we had the score learned and spent our rehearsal time building a cohesive ensemble and acclimating to performing with an orchestra. Despite our preparation, I had to admit that I was a little anxious about the performance. After all, the singers paid a significant sum of money for this experience, and I felt pressure to deliver their money’s worth. On top of all that, my parents were coming into the city for the performance. I aimed to make this a perfect performance.

The day of the performance came, and everyone was on time and healthy. I gave the initial upbeat and everyone came in at measure 1 – so far, so good. The first choral entrance was precise, balanced and energetic – perfect.  If you are familiar with the piece, you know that at the end of the first movement, there is a tutti rest for three beats before the final declaration of the text “Gloria in excelsis Deo!” I chose not to beat time through the rest, but instead, froze and marked the time internally, before giving an emphatic upbeat to prepare the last phrase. We rehearsed this moment several times and I told the singers, “If I am not moving you are not singing.” Everything was going as planned. When we arrived there, I froze, and before I could give the upbeat, a solitary soprano voice peeped out the word “Gloria” two beats early. The voice is barely perceptible on the recording, but when I rewatched the tape you can see me stiffen, shoot a glance towards the soprano section, and give a giant upbeat to prepare the last phrase.

“Well, there goes that,” I thought to myself. “All that work down the drain,” my inner critic said, and “you may as well just make the best of it, now.” But, while my internal voice may have been speaking failure, something changed in the pause before the second movement. My body relaxed as if a great burden had been lifted from it. I seemed to be less self-conscious and more immersed in the music. Afterwards, I asked if anyone had heard the mistake, but no one did; the singers loved the experience, and my parents were very proud. And, for the first time in my career, I didn’t have a laundry list of critiques to share after the performance outside of that one mistake. (And, for once, I was smart enough to shut my mouth and just enjoy the post-concert festivities because no one wanted to hear about the soprano who came in early.)

Despite the happy ending to this story, I did not let go of my perfectionism twenty years ago, and, in fact, spent the greater part of the subsequent decade dogged by feelings of inadequacy and imperfection (despite earning tenure, despite receiving faculty awards, despite presenting at conferences) until I finally burned out. Having exhausted my limited set of resources, I started to look inward for solutions to my dilemma and worked to shed my perfectionist tendencies. I stayed engaged with conducting, but I prioritized my health and mental well-being. I started running regularly, made time to practice music again, started baking, and, through the suggestion of my spouse, downloaded a meditation app, became curious about meditation, and started a regular meditation practice.

Mindfulness cultivated through meditation can be an antidote for perfectionism and other life challenges. Mindfulness is not antithetical to having standards or expectations, it simply asks us to do our best and let it be. Through meditation we learn that no amount of ruminating can fix a past mistake and no amount of worrying can prevent a future error. Contentment comes from knowing our influence is strong, but limited, and that every day – every moment – is an opportunity to learn from our missteps and mistakes and begin again. Simply begin again.

Steve Grives, D.M.A., is a choral conductor and certified meditation teacher currently living in Lincoln, Nebraska. He can be reached with questions or comments through his email, . For an expanded version of the topics covered in the blog, check out “The Steve Grives Podcast” searchable on your preferred podcast platform or at https://anchor.fm/steve-grives.

Filed Under: Midweek Meditation Tagged With: meditation, perfection, Wellness

The Conductor as Yogi: Lighten-ing Ways

May 31, 2022 by Ramona Wis Leave a Comment

As I write this, it is 5:47 AM on a Saturday morning.  It is light outside and has been for a while.  While I prefer sleeping in a little later, there is something about these longer spring days of earlier sunrises and later sunsets that creates an expanded sense of space and time.

We can learn a thing or two from the skies, from the “lighten-ing” we experience when we look out our window in the morning or talk with a friend on a crimson-lit patio in the evening.  We could pack more into our longer days (why), or we can breathe out and enjoy the extra time (why not).  We can lighten our eating with the fresh, local foods available now and by drinking more water to hydrate and support our energy.  We can detox from social media or from ruminating over the same thoughts we had yesterday and the day before and the day before that.  We can dress simply, buy less, and laugh more.

We can say no, letting go of habits, beliefs, or practices that no longer serve us.  We can say yes, opening up to FFNR (fun for no reason) and to things we used to enjoy but for too long have relegated to the back burner.  We can remember that our role as a choral professional does not equal our identity nor does it mean we need to be “on” 24/7, in business task mode even with our family and friends.  We can take a yoga class (or two or three) and experience the lightness of body, mind, and spirit that comes from the practice and its application to the rest of our life.

Lighten-ing is not always easy or intuitive.  Challenges, hardships, and tragedies are real parts of our lives.  All of us, to varying degrees, carry burdens that make it difficult to feel a lightness of spirit.  But if we can make even a small change in our body or find a hint of gratitude, we can take some weight off our shoulders; we can be lighter, even if just for a moment.  This is not “making light” of serious challenges, but rather, allows us space and time to increase our understanding, to feel and see the light that instructs us, guides us, and supports us.

“Do not think of yourself as a small, compressed, suffering thing.  Think of yourself as graceful and expanding, no matter how unlikely it may seem at the time.  When we lose this lightness, our bodies shrink.  The moment the body shrinks, the brain becomes heavy and dull, and you see nothing.  The doors of perception are closed.”  (B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Life, p.40)

We know the power of light to illuminate our path and we have experienced becoming en-lightened when we understand something for the first time.  We strive to recognize our own inner light and that which exists in all living creatures.  And when we learn to live light-ly, we release our tight grasp and remove the obstacles that prevent us from fully receiving the everyday riches that lie before us.  Lighten-ing restores us.  We grow stronger and closer to our core and to the universe at large.  It is only from this place of light that we can live and love and serve well.

As I prepare to take a blog break for the summer months, I thank you, colleagues, for all you do for this community of choral professionals and the many singers and audiences that have experienced the song only you can bring forth.  The power of love through music is indescribable but its light is real and so much needed.

May you experience the gift of space and time

May you see the light around you, within you, and in others

May you find healing and joy in the unlikeliest of places

May you be, and live, well

Dr. Ramona Wis is the Mimi Rolland Endowed Professor in the Fine Arts, Professor of Music, and Director of Choral Activities at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois and the author of The Conductor as Leader:  Principles of Leadership Applied to Life on the Podium.  Dr. Wis is a 500-hour CYT (Certified Yoga Teacher) with training in yoga history, philosophy, meditation, energetics, pranayama (breath work), anatomy, Sanskrit, and the teaching, sequencing, and adaptations of asana (posture-based) practice. Reach her at: 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, Others, Self Care, The Choral Life Tagged With: Leadership, The Choral Life, Wellness, Yoga

The Conductor as Yogi: Living Ahimsa

May 17, 2022 by Ramona Wis Leave a Comment

Early on as a blogger, I posted “Living Your Namaste” in the wake of violence that escalated on a national level in late spring of 2020.  It was a way to reflect on the moment and bring something from the yoga practice to inform our thinking so we might move toward a better life in our own corner of the world.  Today, instead of the lighter post I had prepared, I am turning again to the current moment to reflect on a violent weekend highlighted by events in Buffalo, Chicago, and Laguna Woods, California. To denounce the violence, acknowledge the many who are hurting and will need healing, and to consider how we can contribute to a more peaceful planet.

Religions and ethics-based philosophical systems hold non-violence at their core.  Yet, moving from knowledge to action happens in small steps all along one’s life path; some, we are aware of and many, we are not.  As a human considering the world in troubling times, I think about how I can lessen harm through how I live, teach, and lead, finding some wisdom in the teachings and practice of yoga.

The very first of yoga’s Yamas (ethical principles) is Ahimsa.  Ahimsa (uh-HIM-suh) is defined as non-violence or non-harming of others or of ourselves.  Within the yoga practice, we learn ahimsa by mindfully breathing and moving through poses without pushing ourselves beyond our capacity today, at this time.  This teaches us to be aware of ourselves, our actions, and the results of our actions.  Learning that extremes can create harm, we take our practice of ahimsa off the mat by working within healthy boundaries in our professional lives and by monitoring what we allow into our bodies and our minds, including negative self-talk or too much media.  Non-harming depends on valuing ourselves enough to value others.

Beyond not inflicting physical harm, practicing ahimsa toward others means refraining from harsh words, reactionary judgements, negative thoughts, or any type of ill will.  Hurtful social media (thumbs down on YouTube performances, accompanied by backseat criticisms), gossip, and treating people as invisible are sometimes rationalized as the norm in a modern world or as a personal defense against someone who we believe has harmed us.  To be clear, ahimsa does not mean we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves and others, especially if victimized in any way; but it does teach us to avoid thoughtless, harmful actions that are not intended to improve situations or build others for the better.

How can we model and teach ahimsa in our work with singers?

Teach singers to become aware of their physical and emotional state through alignment and breathing.  They should learn to ask, “What am I feeling today, in this moment?” Help them develop tools to find better balance, use their body appropriately, sing with easeful effort, and release self-criticism—to practice non-harming in mind, body, and spirit. Show them they have agency, some control over their own life, and that from moment to moment they can adjust in small ways to move toward a healthier version of themselves. When called for, refer singers to health care professionals who can provide resources they need.

Frame your work together in the context of commitment and humility.  Only by honoring self and others, as well as the music and the text and the culture from which it comes, can we have a rich musical experience.  Be aware of any brewing disrespect among singers or of the artistic/educational process and use this as a teaching moment (yes, even with older adults) so the rehearsal and the ensemble community can be a compassionate model of effective leadership and followership. Monitor the words you use as you challenge singers to excellence; be aware of how the director’s ego nearing performance can unknowingly lead to coercive tactics. Build your ensemble on a foundation of learning, growing, and becoming the best version of oneself within a community of art makers.

Acknowledge each singer’s presence and value.  Invisible people are hurting people.  They will ultimately find ways to be seen which may result in harm to themselves or others.  Don’t let a day go by without letting singers know they matter, they are valued, and they are loved.  As a singer but even more, as a human.

We know the oft-used metaphor of a pebble tossed in the water, creating ripple effects that go on indefinitely, well beyond our ability to know their ultimate reach. What is that pebble for you, for me, and for those we lead?

A small, then very large way of changing the world.

 Dr. Ramona Wis is the Mimi Rolland Endowed Professor in the Fine Arts, Professor of Music, and Director of Choral Activities at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois and the author of The Conductor as Leader:  Principles of Leadership Applied to Life on the Podium.  Dr. Wis is a 500-hour CYT (Certified Yoga Teacher) with training in yoga history, philosophy, meditation, energetics, pranayama (breath work), anatomy, Sanskrit, and the teaching, sequencing, and adaptations of asana (posture-based) practice. Reach her at: 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, Others, The Choral Life Tagged With: Wellness, Yoga

The Conductor as Yogi: It’s Time for Savasana

May 3, 2022 by Ramona Wis Leave a Comment

The season and academic year are ending. The concerts will be finished.  We feel a sense of accomplishment, relief, and celebration, colored with the bittersweet realization that it is still an imperfect world both in and out of our choral lives.  Our limbs may feel heavy, our energy is drained, and our exhales are getting longer. It’s time for savasana.

Coming to the end of an intense period of our life demands that we rest, not only physically, but to allow all that came before this moment to sink in.  As in savasana, the final pose in a yoga practice, we need to assimilate what we experienced in order to fully learn from it physically, emotionally, and intellectually.  Though laying on your mat looks like a nap (and sometimes turns into one), savasana is restful awareness, a state of quiet processing of the words, movements, and feelings experienced in the practice.  This is the time to release holding, detach from judgment and fear, and receive insight into what.just.happened.

How can we experience a “professional savasana” (pronounced “sha-VAH-suh-nuh”) as we end the year?

Create space.  As your conducting or teaching responsibilities wind down, avoid adding more items to the to-do list that will keep your body and mind and schedule revving.  Build in time to rest in simple ways, even if just sitting with a cup of coffee at an outdoor café.  Know that you have nowhere you need to be right now.

Reduce sensory stimulation.  Turn off the devices, even the music.  Let ambient sound be your soundscape and notice how challenging—and then how restorative—this is.

Practice equal breathing (sama vrtti).  Without straining, see if you can find an equal length to your inhales and your exhales, slowly resetting the nervous system to bring you to homeostasis. Feel your body release.

Allow the thoughts and emotions of the year’s experiences to sink in, without analyzing, judging, or ruminating.  Listen for insight into what it all means but be content with not knowing what it all means.  It just is.  What you need to know will unfold over time.

Be grateful for this body that got you through, imperfect and strained at times, and for the skill set that you brought to your work (and strengthened) as you moved through the year.  You showed up.

Hold space for the many people you guided and impacted, knowing their unique narratives—from painful to joyful—and recognizing how they enhanced your life.  See their face, meditate on their smile and spirit, and send a silent blessing or thank-you to them.

Remind yourself that you are part of something much bigger.  Universally connected, divinely inspired, and lovingly supported.  Even if you don’t feel it right now, affirm it to be so and welcome it into your life.

When you are done, begin to deepen your breathing and allow your movements to be gentle and your pace easy as you go on to the rest of your day.  Carry the benefits of savasana with you . . . and find a small place of peace in this world.

Dr. Ramona Wis is the Mimi Rolland Endowed Professor in the Fine Arts, Professor of Music, and Director of Choral Activities at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois and the author of The Conductor as Leader:  Principles of Leadership Applied to Life on the Podium.  Dr. Wis is a 500-hour CYT (Certified Yoga Teacher) with training in yoga history, philosophy, meditation, energetics, pranayama (breath work), anatomy, Sanskrit, and the teaching, sequencing, and adaptations of asana (posture-based) practice. Reach her at: 

Filed Under: Leadership, Others, Self Care, The Choral Life Tagged With: Leadership, The Choral Life, Wellness, Yoga

The Conductor as Yogi: Sing Your Authentic Voice

April 19, 2022 by Ramona Wis Leave a Comment

At least once a year I review my original mission statement for this blog:  “The Conductor as Yogi blog will explore mindfulness, wellness, inspirational writings, and classic yoga philosophy and practice to encourage readers towards greater wholeness in their professional and personal lives.  The Conductor as Yogi is an authentic, conversational approach to finding one’s personal voice amid a sea of chatter and to letting that voice speak in the practice of life.”

Finding our personal voice should be an easy task—I mean, our “voice” is that which is unique to us, so embedded in our being that it appears without beckoning.  What we do and say and how we express ourselves should emerge from that place within that only we know, the best version of ourselves that operates fluidly, selflessly, and with an insight that others may not have.

But recognizing and living our personal voice can get complicated by the sea of chatter all around us, the expectations and actions of the wider world, and the tendency to categorize ourselves like boxes in a well-organized shoe closet.  Conductor. Teacher. Leader. Spouse. Partner. Child. Parent. Friend. Colleague. Yogi. And on it goes.

Look closely. There is a thread running through all these roles that is our voice. Our nature, sensibility, style, energy, and way of connecting.  The recurring themes and practices that show up in our work or play, at home or in the rehearsal room.  The moments of effortless effort.  The way we craft our words.  The magnetic pull toward unusual opportunities that speak to us, even when reason tells us they don’t neatly fit into one of those boxes in our shoe closet.

Voice is our way of expressing our unique calling or mission or inner light or dharma.  Imperfect at times, our voice is still powerful because it is authentic.  While we are always learning from others, living our voice is what we are designed to do. “It is better to live your life imperfectly than to live someone else’s life perfectly,” is the key message of the Bhagavad Gita (translated as Song of God).  “Let your light shine before others” is a recurring theme found in countless verses in the Bible.  Our voice is given to us to be shared for good.  And only by recognizing and “singing our unique voice” can we help others sing theirs.

As conductors we spend significant time melding the voices of many into one, creating a composite voice that sings uniquely to the world, imperfections and all.  We know this to be a powerful experience, sharing the light of choral sound and powerful texts with a world that needs soul restoration.  And when conductors are self- and others-aware, we can simultaneously teach the interdependency of our voices while honoring each individual singer, recognizing their significance and much needed place in this world.  Can there be a richer way of living our life and helping others live theirs?

Finding one’s voice happens in moments of non-judgmental awareness.  Pausing, breathing, buffer time, and moving meditations are designed to provide these moments, without which we will never see through the clouded layers of life that obscure our voice.  The physical practice of sun salutations or the exploration of core human principles opens our heart, releasing the holding and making space to hear our voice.  And our immersion in the powerful words of others, whether sages or poets, in scriptures or musical texts, inspire us and remind us of the light within from which we lead, love, and live and help others to do the same.  In our families and communities, musical or otherwise.

Soon we are heading into the summer which can be a time to re-engage with ourselves and hear our voice more clearly.  Let it guide us to transforming life as we know it, in small or large ways, opening a wider pathway for our voice to sing to the world. No permission needed, except our own.

Dr. Ramona Wis is the Mimi Rolland Endowed Professor in the Fine Arts, Professor of Music, and Director of Choral Activities at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois and the author of The Conductor as Leader:  Principles of Leadership Applied to Life on the Podium.  Dr. Wis is a 500-hour CYT (Certified Yoga Teacher) with training in yoga history, philosophy, meditation, energetics, pranayama (breath work), anatomy, Sanskrit, and the teaching, sequencing, and adaptations of asana (posture-based) practice. Reach her at: 

Filed Under: Leadership, Others, The Choral Life Tagged With: Leadership, The Choral Life, Wellness, Yoga

The Conductor as Yogi: Rest in Goodness

April 5, 2022 by Ramona Wis Leave a Comment

Rest—real rest—can be elusive.  With our ever-thinking minds, busy schedules, and life’s shifting terrain, we can find ourselves unable to really settle into a fully relaxed state.  To release physical, emotional, psychological holding.  To sleep well.  To feel restored rather than just OK.   In many ways, experiencing a state of deep rest is our greatest challenge.

There are many tools and teachings from the contemplative traditions—in meditation, in our faith, in yoga practices with breath-directed movement—for achieving a state of rest.  But do you find that sometimes, these don’t seem to work for you?  In other posts, I have talked about a more active approach to rest, like walking or engaging in a flow activity that focuses your whole being on one, usually repetitive activity to calm the mind and body and breath.  These can be effective and can be a way to enter into a more rested state.

But to feel fully and regularly rested (or restored or whole or balanced), we need to find moments throughout our days to rest.  Yes, sometimes rest is a nap but that’s not practical in the middle of a rehearsal or staff meeting or in a conversation with an anxious singer.  I have come to experience a different sort of rest which I would describe as moments of holding goodness in our awareness.   

Our minds are more often drawn to negative impressions, setting off our fight-or-flight impulses to prime us for active response to threat. But in a modern world, everything can be perceived as negative, from global threats to health challenges to impending concerts with lots of details and doubts.  What if we actively sought to find goodness in the moments of our days and learn to hold these moments of goodness, feeling them almost as a wash of warmth over our being, transcending us, ever so briefly, out of the negative to something more whole and reassuring?

This seems mysterious but once we are aware that goodness moments are all around us and we begin to experience their effect on our system and psyche, we make a significant shift toward regular moments of rest.  In those moments, we stop the mind chatter and focus on one thing. We recognize something or someone that supports or pleases or calms us and makes us smile.  We become grateful and recognize wealth of a different kind.  We feel reassured or remember what is most important.  We see the big (GOOD) picture.  We understand our unique opportunity and gift and recognize what we have done well, instead of self-criticizing and always reaching for more.  We feel sufficient, part of the larger fabric of life in a most satisfied way.  We begin to even our breathing, reset our nervous system, and create a felt sense of balance.

These are some of the goodness moments I have held in recent days:

  • Hearing, as though for the first time, the singers that always enthusiastically say “thank you” at the end of rehearsal.
  • Happening on a casual, coats-still-on, hallway conversation between my amazing collaborative pianists and snapping an informal picture to capture that smiling moment.
  • Sitting with my mom in the ER as she waited for X-rays after a fall, grateful she was not in severe pain and knowing I could reverse our caring roles by being with her to support and comfort.
  • Seeing four of my singers in a student-directed theatrical project and learning from the beautiful human moments they created.
  • Taking time in rehearsal to go deep, even when the surface stuff (notes, cutoffs, matched sound) still needs to be worked out.
  • Looking into a singer’s eyes above her mask, reading her anxiety and then, reassurance, from my compassionate words spoken to her as a human, not as a category (alto).
  • Recognizing that the decay at the end of a well-rehearsed musical phrase was for the first time, sung for its musical rightness instead of its technical requirement.
  • Passionately talking all-things-basketball with one of my singers and bonding over our March Madness hopes and our hometown team’s future (it’s all about defense).
  • Getting to know colleagues better over our shared frustrations in academia and then, making a mutual and heartfelt commitment to working toward a smarter future.
  • Reading a grateful response to an email of encouragement I sent to someone who is shouldering a heavy burden.

There are many more I likely missed.  But these were powerful moments of goodness, brief but restful, that allowed me to feel less drained at the end of the day, less negative or fearful, and more expansive.  Moments held that made it easier to “come down” and experience deep rest.  Moments that led to the reassurance that, “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well” because in those moments, all was well. (Words of Julian of Norwich, 14th century mystic.)

These moments are all around us. Will we be open to them?  This week, allow yourself to see and hold moments of goodness and experience the rest they can provide.

“If we could learn to balance rest against effort, calmness against strain, quiet against turmoil, we would assure ourselves of joy in living and psychological health for life.”

(Josephine Rathbone, 1899-1989, physiologist and founding member of the American College of Sports Medicine)

Dr. Ramona Wis is the Mimi Rolland Endowed Professor in the Fine Arts, Professor of Music, and Director of Choral Activities at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois and the author of The Conductor as Leader:  Principles of Leadership Applied to Life on the Podium.  Dr. Wis is a 500-hour CYT (Certified Yoga Teacher) with training in yoga history, philosophy, meditation, energetics, pranayama (breath work), anatomy, Sanskrit, and the teaching, sequencing, and adaptations of asana (posture-based) practice. Reach her at: 

Check out these amazing women:

https://www.acsm.org/blog-detail/acsm-blog/2022/03/04/honoring-dr.-josephine-rathbone-international-women%27s-day-2022

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, Others, The Choral Life Tagged With: Leadership, The Choral Life, Wellness, Yoga

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