Leadership

“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.” Mark Twain

In contrast to January’s Alfred Lord Tennyson quotes I thought I would take my cue from that most American of authors, Mark Twain, to unify my Blogs for February. Mr. Twain says plainly what we all think but are not often able to articulate succinctly. Perhaps that is something to blog about itself!

That time of year for conferences, All-States and workshops is fast approaching. I am sure many of you will attend something. All-State was last weekend here in the Great State of Illinois. This year ACDA’s regional conferences are the beginning of March. Many of you will go to one or more but have you asked yourself WHY you go?

Do you attend to connect and network with friends and colleagues? Do you want to learn something new or “deep dive” into something old? Do you go to keep up with the latest music or research or gossip? Do you want to see certain vendors who will be attending? Do you go because you can, or are you required to attend by your academic institution or arts organization? Do you attend certain conferences because they are held near friends or family or and an attraction you would like to visit? Or do you attend for other reasons? Again, there is no right or wrong answer.

Chauncey* tells me he goes to All State every year, in spite of snow or cold, because he’s gotten into the habit of going. It wouldn’t be late January/early February if he DIDN’T attend. It’s a chance to reconnect with friends and colleagues across the state and learn something new. Chauncey says he always learns something. Most years, he brings students but occasionally, he doesn’t. There are years it is a hassle or he’s not feeling up to it or he has other things he should be doing, he still goes. While there, he forgets the day-to-day things he always worries about and concentrates on being there fully. He enjoys the presentations and watching rehearsals. He loves the concerts and seeing old friends as well as making new friends. He tells me he always feels refreshed after All State, no matter how stressed and frazzled he was before. The main reason he goes is for that very reason; the refreshed and revitalized way he feels AFTER.

Debra* attends the ACDA regionals and ACDA Nationals because she is expected to do so by the Liberal Arts college where she teaches. More than that, she LOVES TO ATTEND! She encourages the student ACDA chapter at her college and even requires students to join ChoralNet for several of her classes. She was never active in ACDA in college, herself, and wonders why her university didn’t encourage membership or conference attendance.

After an especially brutal first semester, George* was NOT looking forward to ACDA that year. As a Choral Ed major, he was required to get on the bus and sing with his college’s choir. After, he could attend a few presentations and concerts, then get back on the bus for home. He was not feeling great but, he followed through. The rest, as they say, is history. George met his future wife, also a Choral Ed major, at a presentation by a fairly famous conductor. They corresponded, in those days before the internet, by mail and the occasional phone call and, it so happened, ended up at the same graduate program. They’ve been together 45 years. George wonders what his life would be like if he had decided NOT to go that year.

Attending a conference can be a hassle. Here in the northern hemisphere, the weather is not always great during the times they are scheduled. But we learn, we network, we meet new people and our usual schedule is disrupted. Attending a conference does not seem like work, but play, and we are able to continue on, revitalized.

*Name Withheld

“Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.” Alfred Lord Tennyson

With age and experience comes wisdom or something akin to it. In our youth and training we read, we study, we practice and attend concerts and rehearsals and we think we know it all. And maybe we do, theoretically. It isn’t until we get out in the real world we begin to know what we don’t know. Often, we discover it’s the people we need to work with and our ability in how to handle them where we are deficient.

What shocks most young choral folk, in my experience, is the pettiness and sometimes the lack of respect they receive from older singers or the discipline they must insist on in a school choral group. Even experienced directors are occasionally shocked by a new behavior they’ve never encountered; since they are experienced you would think they’ve seen it all. They can’t imagine until confronted with a difficult behavior. I can attest; there are some interesting situations out there!

I suppose I should be grateful. The resulting unhappy people have given me much material to write about. In fact, I was worried when I became a regular Blogger here on ChoralNet I wouldn’t have enough Choral Ethics material and why my Blog is called “Choral Potpourri.” I reasoned I would be able to write about anything choral related if I called it that. I should not have worried; there is plenty to write about. It is a rare week I don’t find one or two or three emails about Choral Ethics in my Inbox. Email me anytime with your problems: . I always try to respond in a timely fashion. ‘Choral Ethics’ should be in the subject line.

I often feel bad I am not able to write about everyone’s problems. I try to vary the ethics issues and sometimes folks have similar situations so I merge them. As is my wont to respect the privacy of those who trust me, I change details, names and even genders so my readers here will be able to understand the gist of the problem but not the particulars. Some details are no one else’s business and I respect that. It does take a bit of time to get to the kernel of the problem and cut out the rest, but it is worth it to have the trust of those who confide in me. I have knowledge about a lot of things but my “wisdom” about Choral Behavior and Choral Ethics comes from a place you would not expect it to come from.

I will share something about my real life: my eldest son has autism. In past Blogs, you might have read about Russell. When he was very young, the school district arranged for an educational psychologist to come into our home three times a week and teach me behavior management techniques used in his early childhood program. If I am totally honest with myself, I learned much of what has become the basis for Choral Ethics from the kind professionals who loved Russell almost as much as we do. The behavior techniques have helped with him over the years but have also had a huge impact on my own music teaching, choral conducting, running of my rehearsals and how I view the people I work with every day.

Two of the main tenets of those behavior techniques are these: model the behavior you want from your students (singers) and it will be reflected back eventually. And for every one of your actions, there is often an equal (and many times) opposite reaction from your students. Pretty uncomplicated ideas, but what do they mean in the Choral World? If you want respect from your singers, show them respect. If you want loyalty, show your singers kindness. If you don’t want back-stabbing, don’t play favorites. Don’t teach down, teach up and always assume your students (singers) understand. Answer questions without impatience. Speak intelligently and chose your vocabulary with care, you are the teacher (director/conductor) not their friend. Don’t judge anyone unless you know what their situation is and if you don’t know, keep your mouth shut.

We all have a vast knowledge, stored up to bring out when needed, from our student days as well as before and beyond. It is how we interpret that knowledge or our decision to bring experiences from other aspects of our lives which shows true wisdom.

“We cannot be kind to each other here for even an hour. We whisper, and hint, and chuckle and grin at our brother’s shame; however you take it we men are a little breed.” Alfred Lord Tennyson

I’ve written many Choral Ethics blogs about kindness and there’s a very good reason why; we Choral Folk are not always kind to those we SHOULD BE kind to.

It is easy to forget we need to work regularly with other people.  Unless you are a soloist all the time, you must work with other musicians. Unless you conduct exactly the sort of ensemble you wish, with the kind of musicians you wish, you must work with whom you are given. I like clever comments and witty repartee as much as the next person, but when it is mean spirited or at the expense of others feelings, it is unkind. And it’s easier, and much more productive, to work with others when they respect us because we are kind.

In order to be kind, we must have been shown kindness. We should learn kindness in music lessons with our first teachers because the best teachers are kind.  They critique your technique or interpretation but never you as a person. They take the personal criticisms out of their teaching.  Whether they see talent or nothing but interest, they are kind. They may believe you have no talent or business hoping for a career in music but will never say so. They will be the first to praise other aspects of your personality.

It is the lack of kindness, the obvious disparaging comment and the mean spirited criticism that makes a world of difference in our students’ and ensembles’ perception of us as directors and as people.  My Mom would call it “being ugly.”  Your own Mom may have called it “snotty” or just plain “nasty.” As soon as a “cheap shot” come out of our mouth, our singers and accompanists begin to lose respect for us. We should be honest but not nasty!

What does it take–a few minutes–to NOT make a nasty comment or to make a person feel welcome and appreciated? What’s in it for you?  Not sniping is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. It shows you have a degree of self-control.  Being petty with someone you don’t like–or think you don’t like–may be hard at first but the rewards you will reap will be worth it. Rise above and do yourself proud. Be kind to those around you every day. And get the reputation of being someone anyone would want to work with and be with and live with.

I try to be kind; treating my singers and accompanists as I would want to be treated. I always correct the section and always try to say something good during rehearsal. Since one of my sons is a pianist, I treat my accompanists the way I would want him treated.

I admit I had my own misguided notion of what it means to be “kind” in rehearsal.  For many years, I thought it unkind to be brutally honest in my criticism because I wanted to be kind. I would say something was “mediocre”–not dreadful or wrong or terrible–as I pointed out what needed to be done to correct a mistake.  I used the term with my adult choirs and children’s choirs as well and noticed something interesting…..the children would laugh at the word, and then fix the problem very quickly but it would take the adults a bit longer to grasp what needed to be done. I couldn’t figure out why. 

A few years ago, a singer in my auditioned chamber choir shared the fact she HATED when I used “mediocre” as a criticism because I never praised them after the correction was made.  I had to think about it but agreed with her.  I didn’t want to be unkind but I suppose I didn’t want to be perceived as “weak” by being too pleased. Now I use a rule of 2:1—for every two critiques, I praise one thing or for every two things I praise, I critique one. And when I make a correction, it is done very succinctly, no extra words to confuse, just the facts. It’s amazing how this strategy has improved the rapidity of my chamber choir grasping a correction.

Those who cry “he or she isn’t tough enough to survive in this business” never show a smidge of kindness so as to not appear “weak,” however, the strongest among us are the most kind.  You can be tough, uncompromising and not be willing to “settle” and still be kind. It takes intelligence to be kind, it’s actually tougher than being nasty but the reward of respect is great.  When there is true respect from your singers and the others you work with, there is a sense you are able to accomplish anything and a certain freedom…and peace.  Think how much easier it will be for our singers to not always be waiting for the barb, the castrating comment, the “other shoe” and we can just concentrate on being the best teacher/director/conductor/performer we can be!