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Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Do Unto Others…….

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“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.” George Bernard Shaw

I read some interesting parenting advice a few days ago that got me thinking. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was how I raised my own children. What was this nugget of wisdom that had me thinking about how I raised my kids? It was a cleverly worded version of the The Golden Rule: “do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was not only the way I chose to raise my children but also how I choose to direct my choirs. There was PLENTY my own teachers, directors and conductors did that was right and helpful as well as much I knew I would do differently. In fact, my Choral Ethics Project is based on, in part, what some of my teachers did or did not do. I’d like to share a bit of what I mean about “doing unto my singers, what I wish my directors had done unto me.”

I try new things, but I don’t change what works. I sang in a church’s children’s choir from the age of 6 or 7 until I was about 14 or 15. During that time, we had three directors; one who was excellent and two who were so-so. Those two, supposedly, had much more experience with children, but we were the first children’s choir of the excellent director. All were men and were directors of ALL the church’s choirs. Two believed it was a come down to be directing children (one was a virtuosic organist and the other was a composer) and the third was a tenor who loved to teach. The organist and composer changed our warm-ups every single rehearsal and as a result, got different vocal results every time. The tenor asked us, at our first rehearsal, what our favorite warm-ups were. He added a few of his own and we kept the same basic warm-ups the whole time he was with us. He too, occasionally tried new things, but didn’t change our warm-ups because not only were they fun to do but taught basic vocal technique. We were ready for him every rehearsal and would start them ourselves if he were a smidge late.

I am organized. I had a director in high school who was not organized AT ALL, but he was a fabulous musician and director. We sang some great music, we sounded great, and our concerts were wonderful. I had so much fun with him, I never thought his disorganization could have had a negative impact on us. Later I often wondered how much better we would have been if he had spent some time getting folders together before we walked into his classroom. Or if he had given us all the dates of our concerts, shows and school assemblies at the beginning of every semester or something like that. He was always scrambling so WE were always scrambling, and it wasn’t necessary.

I’m prepared for rehearsal; with a list of items I’d like to accomplish. I loved my undergrad conducting professor. He was a wonderful director, conducting pedagogue and a kind man. I noticed almost from the first rehearsal I had with him he had a yellow legal pad next to his score on the podium. He would check things off as rehearsal progressed. One day I asked him about his pad of paper, and he told me it was his rehearsal plan. When I took my first conducting course with him, he told our class he got a great deal of satisfaction from checking things off his list. There were times he didn’t accomplish everything on that list but said he thought it was still a good rehearsal if he accomplished at least 75% of them. I’ve carried that thought with me; you don’t have to get everything done you’d like but if you do most of them, it’s still a good rehearsal.

I never call anyone nasty names to their face.  When I was an undergrad, I participated in a master class with a famous-ish choral conductor/composer. When it was my turn to conduct, he stopped me and called me a “no talent witch” (wink-wink). Thirty minutes later, he said my ictus was “elegant.” What I did in the first place to have him call me a “witch,” I’ll never know but I was totally petrified by the time he complimented me. I’ve never forgotten how I felt when he called me that name. And I still don’t know what he meant by an elegant ictus!

What did your directors, teachers and conductors do or NOT do that has shaped how you teach, direct and conduct? What do you wish they had done differently? Please share in the comments below.

Until next week, be well and be safe!

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Who Will You Choose?

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“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

One of our sons is also a musician and when he was quite young and had started lessons, we played a game. It was a game my parents played with me when I began ballet and music lessons. I’d like to share it here with you.

It starts out with a question: If you had to choose to work with a certain musician, whom would you choose to work with? These two musicians are quite different. One person is profoundly talented, bordering on Genius, and the other is a particularly Good Musician but not a genius. What makes this a dilemma is that the Genius Musician is difficult to work with, never prepared despite being a genius and throws temper tantrums. The Good Musician is always prepared, easy to work with and a nice person.

A performance might be musically better with the Genius, but not always because of the stress of their behavior on the other musicians. And the performance might be a better with the simply Good Musician because everyone will be able to relax and make music, instead of waiting for the Genius’s nonsense to finish. Even if the performance is not quite up to the standards of the Genius, the experience will have been more pleasant and less stressful.

There are no right or wrong answers, but the game’s purpose is to get you thinking about behavior in a collaborative setting. Most of the time, young artists say they’d like to work with the Genius and will put up with whatever is thrown at them. Then, they have to WORK with an insufferable genius (or someone who thinks they are a genius) and then they see the beauty of working with someone “merely” good. There are pros and cons for both sides which might change depending on the circumstances. I have been thinking a lot about this game, remembering conversations I had with my parents as a child and conversations I had with my son when he was a child.

This begs the question: why do we put up with terrible, criminal, morally corrupt behavior if someone is considered a genius? Are they entitled to a pass if they are special? The recent death of a certain conductor (you all know who it is, and I am NOT going to type that man’s name!) has got me thinking; why do we do it?

I have a connection, however distant, to that conductor. One of my best friends sang in, and was shop steward for, a symphony chorus that conductor regularly worked with. We’d go out to dinner often with my friend and he’d tell stories behind the scenes. He once told me, when that fellow was conducting, they would warn the new, young looking male singers to never go to the restroom by themselves. I asked why, and my friend told me. This was in the late 1980s/early 1990s so if I knew about this then, why didn’t others and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

When we tolerate abhorrent behavior, aren’t we telling everyone it doesn’t it matter if you do AWFUL things, as long as you sing or conduct or play above a certain standard? Aren’t we making those who believe they are entitled truly FEEL ENTITLED?

Occasionally, someone does something so ridiculous, so unacceptable, they ARE asked to leave. That was the reason a certain opera company’s stagehands wore tee-shirts stating “I Survived the Battle” after a certain Diva was asked to leave. This is an exception but not the rule. When folks are consistently expected to behavior in a professional way, they usually do. When they do whatever they want and there are no repercussions, they get worse in their behavior.

So, who will YOU choose?

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way

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“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” Thomas A. Edison

For the month of March, we’re taking a look at ways we can handle these challenging times in a more creative way. I’ve contacted several of my usual correspondents, and most have told me at first, they felt out of control and miserable. Eventually they realized the sooner they accepted not being control of their situation because of the Pandemic, the sooner they could BE in control of what they could be in control of.  And each of these people have their own way. Today we look at Mario’s* way.

Mario will never forget getting that call a year ago. His school was being closed until further notice. His students and his own grade school age children would not be in school, while his spouse, a physician, would still be working. Instead of being in the classroom, he was not sure what he would be doing, other than keeping his kids safe and worrying about his spouse.

But Mario tells me, at the time he was happy he received an actual phone call and not an email or a text. He knew it was coming because his spouse is a health care worker, but it was still great he got a call because many of his teaching colleague friends at other institutions did not. He feels grateful he began his whole Pandemic experience with a slightly more upbeat attitude. The confusion he heard in his principal’s voice made him believe no one had all the answers or were pretending they did and somehow that comforted him.

School became virtual last April and he was teaching AND supervising his own children’s virtual school. His spouse stayed at a hotel for the month of April; both agreed it was safer for their family if she did. He was doing everything, including things his spouse usually did, and was exhausted most days. When he tried to sleep at night, he worried about his wife’s health working with COVID patients, and all the things he needed to do to run their household. He was a mess.

The turning point came for him the beginning of May when his wife was supposed to finally come home. She was worried about exposing their family and told him she didn’t know what to do. They decided she would come home, stay in their basement for two weeks, and take it from there, which is what happened. They talked through the basement door most nights after their kids went to bed. They decided she would not go back to her fulltime position at the medical group practice just yet, becoming part-time so she could help with their children’s virtual classes.

At that point, Mario decided to take charge of his program, because he didn’t know what the future would hold. In addition to virtual classes, he set up voice lessons and sectionals for his singers via Zoom. His music appreciation students could get extra credit by taking voice lessons. He was super busy but in late June, as school was “officially” ending for the school year, all his students had a virtual talent show. The students loved it, the parents loved it and the administration loved it.

Last fall, Mario’s high school began virtually, with most classes going to a hybrid model the first of the year. The choral program has remained virtual but is thriving despite that. This year’s talent show is sure to be a hit again and the administration is looking forward to it too. He is hopeful, with the vaccine, life will get back to normal for the coming fall. He has learned so much about the technical aspect of virtual performances, Mario knows he will keep the talent show, both in-person AND virtually.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I have been regularly taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page but am not able to this week . I should be back NEXT week. See you then!

Choral Potpourri/ Choral Ethics: More of the Same

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“The major gossip columnists were more concerned with protecting the industry than with gunning down sinners.” Gloria Swanson

As I mentioned earlier this month, for the first time in YEARS, I don’t have concerts or gigs pending and have had time to be around the house much more, so we decided to do some home improvements. The basement re-do is finished and the KITCHEN re-do has begun. The household is in flux, but the upside is we’ve been organizing as we go. As we’ve organized, I’ve found things I had forgotten about, including a file of letters from a former singer. Last week, I shared portions of the first letter I received from Edie*.

For the month of February, I’ve decided to share portions of these letters and others, as well as some perspectives with you. Hindsight is always 20/20 and with time and age, things become clearer. In a way, these letters bring back a period in my life I had forgotten.

As I read through the letters with a Choral Ethics perspective, they read as classic Choral Ethics dilemmas. While I don’t think I’ve consciously let this situation of my own color my suggestions to ChoralNetters with similar dilemmas, I’m sure they have.

That January, I submitted my report for the six months I had been music director the previous year. And I included a letter to the Pastor describing the letters I had been receiving from Edie. I had been asked to speak with Joanne*, the new choir director, which I did. After speaking with her, I understood their frustrations because Joanne did not seem very well trained or knowledgeable about church choirs. I was kind when I spoke with Joanne, sharing information about choir members and the congregation but don’t think she was receptive. And shared my observations with the Pastor.

Today I share a portion of a letter from the Chair of the Choir Director Search Committee, Carl*. All my correspondents were furious (with each other) and thought I could do something, what, I have no idea. I must have written to Carl because he mentions my letter; I have no memory of doing so.

Carl began his letter saying he was happy to hear from me but hadn’t known any of this was happening until he got to choir practice in mid-January:

“I wasn’t aware of this whole ugly situation until we were supposed to have choir practice on January 16. I say “supposed to” because it ended abruptly when Dotty concluded her shouting tirade with, “I quit!” I might add that through this, Joanne remained calm and self controlled.”

Carl defended how they went about finding a new choir director and believed they deserved what they got with Joanne because they weren’t a very big congregation and had been lucky with me. He also describes how Dotty had temper tantrums before several worship services and how several choir members, especially Edie, had it out for Joanne. He tells me the Pastor had tried to pay a call on Edie and her husband but wasn’t allowed in. He ends with this:

“I’m pondering as to who might have made the “hysterical phone calls.” Right now I guess we’re all candidates, except for me of course.”

I had regularly been getting phone calls from Dotty* (the organist), several choir members, and Edie herself. Most of these calls were late at night and my callers were upset. They must have gotten home from a church meeting or rehearsal and decided to call me. I remember one choir member, Kath*, told me she wanted me to know what was happening to the quality program I had worked so hard to build. She also was threatening to leave the choir and the church.

After reading through Carl’s letter several times, as well as Edie’s, my memory is jogged about a few things. I believe I wrote to several choir members and Dotty regularly, as they did to me. None of their cards and letters were in my files, probably because they were ordinary, normal letters exchanged between friends. I believe I saved these particular letters because they had to do with my former job, and I was worried I would need proof, or something. I can also tell you quite confidently, I cannot remember Edie AT ALL. I can picture others quite clearly, but not her. That should tell you something.

Next week, I’ll wrap up this trip down Memory Lane and share portions of other letters from Edie. And I will tell you, from a Choral Ethics perspective, what I SHOULD have done.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Long Distance Gossip

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“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.” Bertrand Russell

I mentioned last week for the first time in YEARS, I don’t have concerts or gigs pending and have had time to be around the house much more, so we decided to do some home improvements. The basement re-do is finished and the KITCHEN re-do has begun. The household is in flux, but the upside is we’ve been organizing as we go.

I’ve found things I had forgotten about, including a file of letters from a former singer of mine, Edie*, who sang in my church choir from a long-ago position. These letters were sent soon after my departure from that job I loved at the beginning and merely tolerated at the end. In the letters, Edie complained about my replacement, and more. What she expected me to do, I’ll never know, but she went into detail and gave her opinions. Most of the letters were gossip, pure and simple, with some polite inquiries about my family thrown in. She tended toward the nasty-side of things, behaving such that we can understand why Church Ladies get a bad rap.

Last week, I mentioned I would share portions of a few of these letters and give you my feelings with a Choral Ethics perspective. Today I will share portions of a letter with the earliest date (if I had gotten earlier letters, I’m sure I would have saved them too) but this seems to be the beginning of our correspondence.

Edie began her letter with the weather, what the temperatures had been like that January and how much snow they had gotten at that point.

She continues:

“As you may know by now the church has a new choir director. That is what she calls herself, but she sure is pulling the wool over somebody’s eyes! She comes in late for rehearsals and leaves early. She can not keep an even tempo when she tries to direct. She sings flat and tries to blame Dotty* (the organist). Both Dotty and I have tried to speak to her to help her but she just ignores Dotty and has laughed at me. Believe it or not I have not gone back into the choir since Christmas and as long as they keep paying her for doing nothing, I don’t intend to go back.”

She continues:

“Not only is this girl a farce as a director is concerned, she is a vulgar and crude person.” She gives examples of her crudeness and goes on:

“Poor Dotty is the one I feel sorry for. This girl has not only been rude to her but has gone so far as to tell her how to play the organ. She doesn’t realize Dotty has been playing before she was born. I know Dotty has been in tears several times and if she ever walks out the church will suffer a great loss.”

After wondering about the competence of the church secretary and how early in the week music selections need to be submitted, she goes on:

“Barb*, Kath* (choir members) and others are also disgusted but I think are too chicken to let their feelings be known. It is too bad this young woman is being paid for doing absolutely nothing but pulling a good bluff.”

Edie ends her letter asking about my children, their new school district and hopes we are all well.

I am still a bit shocked by Edie’s letters. At the beginning, I’m sure it was a bit flattering to be contacted, but also irritating to be pulled into a drama I was happy to leave. Here are my thoughts about those letters. As I re-read them, I tried to imagine what their purpose was, and could not. When I advise ChoralNetters about their own Choral Ethics dilemmas, I always ask them to think about what purpose/motive someone could have for doing something. I thought I’d take my own advice.

Other than inform me what was happening at my old place of employment, there was no purpose. In later letters, Edie tries to make me feel guilty for leaving or possibly not giving the congregation enough time to find a decent replacement. When I was hired, it was not a secret my spouse was doing a medical residency and we would be moving on at some point. And I gave them one year’s notice I would be leaving so Edie’s guilt-tripping didn’t matter. This first letter set the stage for what was to come, and believe me, there is more to come.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Putting Folks Down

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“No man ever got very high by pulling other people down. The intelligent merchant does not knock his competitors. The sensible worker does not knock those who work with him. Don’t knock your friends. Don’t knock your enemies. Don’t knock yourself.” Alfred Lord Tennyson

As you may recall, Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics is re-visiting some of our most discussed Choral Ethics dilemmas for the month of January. We finish today with an “oldie but goodie” that has been discussed frequently. I’ve called it gossip or being mean, but you could say it’s simply putting someone down and expecting others to join in your “fun”.

I have written several Blogs here on ChoralNet about what I call the culture of choir. In those blogs, I speak of how the behavior of your choir—to each other, to you as director, to other musicians—help define your culture. When there is trouble with recruiting or retaining singers, it is often in direct response to the choir’s culture.

Our story today concerns Carl* who began singing in his church choir a few years ago. Carl loves to sing and sang in his high school and college choirs. He was a member of his college’s male a cappella group and says those experiences helped define him as a person.

After graduation, things got in the way of his singing in a choir. First his job, then marriage and parenthood; you know, LIFE! Finally, when their youngest child began high school, Carl’s wife encouraged him to start singing again. He liked the music at their family’s church so decided to sing with the church choir.

But Carl recently quit singing with the church choir. He liked the choir director, her choice of music and her directing style. But he could not STAND the petty games the women singers played. Everything was an opportunity to gossip. Every soloist was “no better than they should be.” Every service held some anthem or hymn which is “impossible” to sing or some announcement which riled someone up. Carl used to try to get to rehearsal five or ten minutes early to visit and get to know his fellow members. Then he began to arrive as close to the downbeat as possible just so he could just sing and not listen to their malarkey. He wanted to quit at Christmas but decided to continue until the end of the choir year.

When the choir year ended, he decided he had had enough. That’s when he contacted me to help figure out the best (and most Choral Ethical) way to quit. Since the choir year had just ended, I told him he probably didn’t need to do anything if he didn’t want a confrontation. Besides, choir practice wouldn’t start again until after Labor Day and there was a possibility he might want to go back. And there was always the path of least resistance which is to just not go. If asked why he’s not coming to rehearsal, he could always say his job (parent, child, or home renovation) is going to take more time than he realized and he won’t be able to sing. Or he could just tell the truth.

Why tell the truth? Because the choir director has a right to know. She probably knows what’s going on with the women but may not realize their behavior is causing the choir to lose singers. Losing a male singer is BAD for a church choir! Maybe she’s spoken with them; maybe she’s spoken to clergy about them, maybe she’s had other complaints, but she should know why she is losing a singer. The culture of Carl’s choir had gotten to a place where something had to be done. And his director needed to step up, be a leader and do it.

I contacted Carl to ask for an update for today’s blog. He told me he DID speak with his choir director over a year ago. She was flabbergasted he wanted to leave because of the Choir Gossips and thanked him for telling her why he wanted to leave. She told him she would see what she could do and would get back to him. In fact, she spoke with clergy and explained what had happened. Clergy was not pleased and felt there was really nothing to do in this situation, other than ask the Gossips not to gossip during choir practice.

The choir director wanted to do more. She changed how her rehearsals were run, doing sectionals every other week, and having a tutti rehearsal 90 minutes before Sunday services. Her reasoning was this; with rehearsal right before a service, there was NO TIME for anyone to gossip. She let Carl know her plan and he agreed to try singing with them again until after Christmas. He did and felt good singing, delighted to continue after Christmas–then the Pandemic struck. He has hopes things will be even better when his choir is finally able to sing together–so do we!

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

*Name Withheld

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