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Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Let’s Be Nice

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“Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.” Jimmy Durante

We’ve been busy, email-wise, here at Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics during the last few weeks as the choir year ends. Academic programs are finished when school ends. And community programs, with all sorts of different types of choral organizations, are having their last concerts, if they haven’t already. The church choir year ends with Pentecost and Trinity Sunday, so the end is in sight for them too.

The End-Of-The-Year comments and queries, with their desire for advice are similar, no matter who writes. The writers are singers, accompanists or directors themselves, all wanting to know one thing; why can’t people be nice? After a whole choir year of putting up with people being snotty or cranky, they can’t take it anymore and reach out, wanting to know what they should have done. Hindsight is always 20/20 and most of my correspondents are curious if they’ve done or said the right thing or if there was a better way to handle the situation.

It’s more complicated than simply saying, “Let’s be nice to one another.” People get upset when oversights leave them out. Or when they believe they are made to look bad and are scolded for things beyond their control. There are certain people who also believe there is a right and wrong way to do certain things. As the end of the year approaches, emotions run high and if things don’t go according to plan, or the way they THINK they should go, that’s when folks get testy and cranky. This year, “pettiness” rules with my “not being nice” emails.

Gene’s* name was (again) left off the concert program of the community chorus he accompanies for. When asked why his name was left off, he was told to get over it. He quit. Sasha* was yelled at by one of her singers for not carrying her music in the correct hand as she came on stage. She was NOT supposed to carry her own music but the person who WAS forgot. Her singer didn’t care because it “looked terrible” so Sasha quit her community chorale job. Jordan’s* choir director at church decided to scold the whole choir (all volunteers) at their last rehearsal for their terrible attendance this choir year. Jordan sang the Pentecost service but won’t be back in the fall when the church choir year begins again.

All of these folk QUIT rather than continue because of some rather petty reasons. And all of my correspondents admit these are pretty petty reasons. The problem is these are the LAST of a series of petty issues and comments, culminating in that proverbial straw. Gene and Sasha and Jordan asked what they should have done and I told them; they should have spoken up before. When I asked what they would do now, since they are no longer employed or not going to sing as a volunteer, all three told me they began to look for new jobs or a new church right after the winter concert and Christmas. In other words, they were primed to leave.

This leads me to ask; do we put up with others being nasty and petty so we don’t have to confront them? Is confrontation, even the benign type, so difficult for some people they would rather leave? There are some working situations when saying something will accomplish nothing, as in Gene’s case. He is right to quit and his new job seems like a much better situation for him. Sasha has one or two busybody singers who must say something about, well, EVERYTHING. If she has said something long ago, this wouldn’t have become an issue. And if it was such a Big Deal, one of those singers could have made sure her music was on the podium to begin with but not being nice must have been easier. Jordan has a point about scolding volunteers about attendance; church choir directors with volunteer choirs must take care not to offend those they depend on, otherwise, they get what they get. It seems so simple just to be nice, no matter what, in that situation.

I will be taking a bit of a Choral Ethics break during the summer and have scheduled Choral Ethics Blog repeats beginning July 4. But I will be working on the Fall’s Blogs during the summer, so if you have a Choral Ethics dilemma or query or comment, please email me: .

Have a GREAT SUMMER!

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Preaching to the Choir

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“It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.” Francis of Assisi

I receive quite a few emails with people’s thoughts about Choral Ethics. Some folks tell me they are not exactly sure what Choral Ethics is, but will know it when they see it. Some tell me what I am calling “Choral Ethics” is an old-fashioned concept. Others tell me they have been practicing what I am preaching almost forever. They say no matter what happens around them, they remain true to their values. I’ve asked five to share their thoughts. These folks “live” their values and choirs see them practice what they preach, but how do they do it? All five have been successful choral professionals upwards of 20 years and have evolved into the core of values they have now by trial and error.

The unifying theme of all five has been cultivation of a “non-drama persona” (my term for it) in order to maintain their values. Three tell me it’s was simply a matter of learning how to be a leader, knowing where you want to lead and then leading. The other two confess they were “Drama Queens” in the early days of their careers but have learned to use drama judiciously, using it only when it will do the most good—if someone is always in high dungeon, singers stop listening! All tell me when they began to step back and really think about their own values, their singers and choral programs began to flourish. While we spoke of many other components for achieving a “non-drama persona,” three were most frequently mentioned—consistency, planning and not always saying what they think.

All agree some sort of consistency of expectations is important.It is when there is no clear guidelines trouble occurs between singers and directors. If singers know guidelines ahead of time, whether for auditions or absences, things run smoother, and a matter-of-fact approach usually works best. I have learned through my contact with these folks, one size does not fit all and must be custom tailored to work. All five shared their approach to a similar problem, but each solution fits their own situation. Professor L* tells me he expects his university chorus to sing in quartets, no matter their attendance, for their midterm and final exams. He feels it has been a very effective way to grades fairly and his students and the university know what is expected and how the grades are determined. Jazzy* uses number of absences (and weighs the absences with a rubric) as a way of grading at her two year college and has done so for ten years with great success. In the community sector, Alan* allows a certain number of excused absences per concert cycle for his singers.  If they exceed, choristers are required to sing for him in private to prove they are prepared. Otherwise, it is suggested they usher for that concert. He’s had no problems with this approach, since it is stated very clearly in the chorus’ handbook and mentioned several times a concert cycle. Dante* believes everyone in his community chorus should be allowed to sing a concert as long as they’ve attended a minimum of three rehearsals. Tilly* allows singers in her church choir to sing any Sunday they wish without rehearsal if they’ve sung the anthem with her before, no exceptions, even for those who have sung the same anthem with her predecessor. This approach has worked very well with her choir, has reinforced the excellence of her music program and all her singers “buy into it.”

A long range plan consisting of short range plans has helped cut down on some of the franticness and stress for these choral professionals. Each has told me, when they are sure where they are going, they are able to maintain their “non-drama persona.” We are all cranky when we are under time constraints! Planning repertoire, rehearsals and fundraising or outreach opportunities can be time consuming, but the stress reduction outweighs their time involvement several times a year.

All five have mentioned not always saying what they think at times it would be easier to take a cheap shot. This goes for both in rehearsals and out. Perhaps their snarky comments would be fun while they are speaking them, but damage control is never fun. It is simple enough to keep our mouths shut, isn’t it?

* Name withheld by request

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Family Matters

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“You can choose your friends but not your family.” Old Proverb

There are times when I feel like Dear Abby or Ask Amy or even Miss Manners. Those ladies get all sorts of questions from folks wondering how they should react or handle a myriad of sticky situations. Many involve family and today’s Choral Ethics dilemma also is from a ChoralNetter with a family situation. Many of you will relate to Joshua* and his situation. In fact, I am sure you’ve experienced something very similar; I know I have.

Joshua is a professional church musician; a fine, even virtuosic organist. His step-brother’s grandfather died last January and he was asked by his step-brother, Phil*, to play for the funeral. Of course he agreed because he and Phil are close.

This is where is gets complicated, but please follow along. Josh’s and Phil’s parents were married when they were both children. Josh’s Mom was a widow and Phil’s Dad was a widower, and they blended their families into one large family. All of Josh’s grandparents treated Phil like another grandson, attending his events and gave both similar gifts for birthdays and Christmases. In fact, Phil used to joke he had four sets of grandparents. One set of Phil’s grandparents welcomed Josh into their family but Phil’s late mother’s parents, the Ts*, were awful to him. They made SURE he knew he was not part of their family. It was difficult because both parents wanted all the grandparents in the boys’ lives. They were being raised as brothers, so it was tough when they played favorites.

When Phil’s grandfather died and there was no organist available at his church to play the funeral, he called Josh. Phil took on the burden so his grandmother would not have to find an organist at the last minute and arranged for Josh to play. Together, they chose music and Josh even remembered Grandpa T’s favorite hymns. I should mention Josh gave up a paying gig—a funeral at his own church—to play this funeral. Not that it mattered; family is important and he would do anything for Phil.

After the funeral, all agreed it was one of the most beautiful and moving funeral services they had ever attended. The Pastor was thrilled to have such a fine, collaborative and cooperative musician play in their church. But Phil’s grandmother and aunts were NOT thrilled. They claimed Josh was taking attention away from the deceased, who never liked him, and it was disrespectful. They claimed Josh forced Phil to let him play, though Phil told them over and over he is the one who asked Josh.

Josh contacted me several weeks ago, wanting to know what he should do now. The Pastor of Grandpa T’s church recently sent him a check for playing the funeral; the amount was the church’s standard funeral fee. Pastor said he forgot to give it to him the day of the funeral and gave him a choice, since he is a “family member,” of cashing the check or donating it to a memorial fund. Josh asked me what he should do; believe me, I have opinions.

In my experience, it is always difficult to play for your own family’s life-event. Someone always believes you are “performing” and are doing it for attention. Someone always believes you are not really a “professional” even if you DO make a living from playing or singing or directing in a church. Some family members think you just open your mouth, or put your hands on the keyboard and—POOF—Music! They don’t take into account you’ve studied and worked to get as good as you are. It is also my experience that, after whatever brouhaha occurs, they are pleased because you sound just like a “professional.” They make it miserable for you but then realize hey, you’re not so bad!

I have rules about doing funerals and weddings; I am either paid my going rate or thanked. For a family wedding or funeral, I don’t expect to be paid but DO expect to be thanked. And formally with a written thank-you note. A plant or a gift card from my favorite coffee place would be nice, but not expected. I am still waiting for a thank-you for singing at an In-Law’s wedding in 1991—I am NOT kidding. I have often thought about sending an invoice but perhaps it’s a little too late for that.

My advice for Josh? Cash the check.

*Name Withheld


Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Director vs. Accompanist

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“Being an accompanist is very selfless in many ways because you’re really just trying to elevate the singer and help them shine, ultimately.” Simon Helberg

Last week, I shared stories from a few ChoralNetters about their holidays. This week, I have ChoralNetters chiming in about relationships between choral directors and their accompanists. If you noticed the title of today’s Blog, you may rightly assume things are not always congenial.

Gwen* likes her accompanist as a person but as an accompanist, HER accompanist, not so much. Why? Because Steve* is never prepared for rehearsals. Gwen directs a highly auditioned community chorus and chooses music at least a year in advance. No matter when she gives music to Steve, he is never ready to play.

They have three concerts a year, the first in December. Gwen gives Steve the music for all three concerts in June, right after their May concert. Rehearsals begin in late August or early September and she always tells him what will be worked on those first few rehearsals for each concert when she gives him the music. Eventually, things work out and he does a great job but getting to that point is becoming more and more frustrating for her.

This fall was especially rough; he was still stumbling through reading parts in late October. And it isn’t a question of Steve’s ability to do what Gwen expects of him, it just seems during the last few years he hasn’t been practicing and it’s getting worse and worse. Maybe he thinks he can sight-read through what needs to be done but it’s just not happening. And Steve doesn’t need to guess what to practice. She tells him and is very clear as to what she expects from him; part playing with the occasional accompaniment as the chorus gains fluency and confidence. While an auditioned chorus, this is still a group of amateurs who need help with parts. Gwen believes her chorus has been noticing his lack of preparation for rehearsals as well.

When Gwen contacted me, she wanted to know what to do, short of firing him, since it is her Board who would do that. I suggested she speak to him, in a non-threatening way, asking what she could do to help him be more prepared for rehearsals. In my opinion, she is doing everything and more to help him be prepared. I asked if she was short with him or if she appeared frustrated if he was not able to do what was requested. Gwen said she didn’t think so but as September became October and October headed toward November, it was possible she was curter than is her habit. Understandable; it is possible he too is frustrated with himself.

I told her all will depend on how he reacts when they talk. If he feels threatened, he will react one way. If he feels she is looking to help him, he will react another way. If he is defensive or doesn’t believe there is a problem, it’s time to go to her Board. Good luck, Gwen! Let us know what happens.

Teddy* is an accompanist for a large mainline Protestant church. He is not organist but accompanies regular choir rehearsals, preparing them for anthems with organ. He plays during worship services for anthems not having organ accompaniment or as part of larger instrumental ensemble. He is sorry he took this job a year ago because the choir director is (his words) “a nightmare” and the organist a “pompous jerk.” His predecessor left right after Christmas last year and now he knows why. He will finish out the choir year and count himself lucky he made it out alive. Everything feels off-balance and he can no longer take it.

He’s had music thrown at him by the director IN REHEARSAL in front of the choir. He’s been chased down a corridor from the choir room to the Fellowship Hall by the organist. He’s been screamed at, called awful names and expected to act as if nothing’s happened. He feels he is constantly being tested and yet, he plays well and there are no real, actual complaints about him.

He spoke with Senior Clergy just after Christmas and was told this is how highly talented and gifted people behave and he should just “suck it up.” That’s when he decided to write me and ask, “Is that true?” No, Teddy, this is not how talented and gifted GROWN-UPS behave AT ALL.

I think it is honorable of Teddy to try finish out the choir year. No one would blame him if he left before. I do have one bit of important advice for him; ALWAYS be pleasant and professional with these Yahoos. Never give them back-talk or any reason to say something negative about his tenure at the church. And don’t gossip about those two jerks after you leave. Take the high road ALWAYS.

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Story Time

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“Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.” Casey Stengel

Happy New Year ChoralNet! I hope you all had wonderful holidays. And I also hope you spent some time recharging and refreshing before your next batch of rehearsals and classes begin.

January’s Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics Blogs will be a bit of everything; including ChoralNetter problems. Toward the end of the month, I will begin sharing my experience participating and rehearsing a very special choral performance— as a singer for a change— more about that later in the month. But this first Thursday of January is story time.

Maryrose* wrote me early in December with a story about doing what she believed was the right thing. She thinks it’s important for others to be given permission to do what they know is right in their hearts. Maryrose wants me to tell her story because she struggled deciding what to do initially but when she thought about it, the answer came to her easily.

The story isn’t unusual; one of her church choir singers nagged her for five years to sing “Oh Holy Night” on Christmas Eve. The congregation had a “Christmas Eve Prelude Concert” and it was quite a big deal. It was usually thirty to forty-five minutes long, right before their Christmas Eve service. The service, itself, was modeled on Lessons and Carols with some space for music. The choir usually sang one or two anthems; there were occasionally non-scripture readings (Shakespeare or Dickens or even O. Henry) and congregational hymns and carols. Solos were saved for the Prelude-Concert.

The day they met, Sue-Rae* told Maryrose she had been cheated out of a chance to sing on Christmas Eve a few years before and demanded to be allowed to sing that year. Clergy told Maryrose that Sue-Rae brought up not being allowed to sing on that past Christmas Eve all the time. And it wasn’t for the reason you think; Sue-Rae had had pneumonia and was in the hospital. Somehow she thought she should get to sing anyway, no matter when, and asked to sing “O Holy Night” during the Easter Service that year. When told “no,” she was angry and unreasonable.

Maryrose was told to hold off doing anything too unusual on the Christmas Eve concert her first year so she could see how it worked. The adult choir sang several beautiful anthems, a soloist sang “Gesu Bambino” and the bell choir did a stunning piece with the children’s choir. Janice*, her best soprano, told Maryrose to watch out for Sue-Rae because she was not reliable. She decided not to have Sue-Rae sing that year simply because she had “O Holy Night” fatigue. Sue-Rae was furious.

Things went along at the church the way they usually do. And every year, without fail, as the choir year was winding down, Sue-Rae would ask to sing “O Holy Night” for Christmas Eve. Maryrose would tell her she would think about it during the summer as she was doing her Advent and Christmas planning. And she did. The thing was, Janice was right; Sue-Rae WAS NOT reliable. Every time she was supposed to sing a solo, Sue-Rae would have a cold or decided to go to Florida or one of her kids had a game at the last minute. Maryrose spent too much time after asking Sue-Rae to sing, getting a Plan B together for the inevitable. As the years went on, she would still think about Sue-Rae doing “O Holy Night,” on Christmas Eve as promised, but only for a few seconds!

The last year Maryrose served that church; she acquiesced and decided to have Sue-Rae sing on Christmas Eve. Maryrose knew she would be leaving due to her spouse’s job and thought it would be nice. But she didn’t realize she had inadvertently created a tempest in a teacup. She asked Janice to be her Plan B in the event, after all that whining, Sue-Rae backed out at the last minute.

That year, the Christmas Eve Prelude Concert was wonderful; Sue-Rae did a more than adequate job. But Janice’s nose was out of joint and she told Maryrose she would not be back to choir practice until Lent; she was punishing her for the whole Sue-Rae thing. Maryrose told me; at that point, she was HAPPY she was leaving at the end of the choir year!

Last October, Maryrose ran into one of Sue-Rae’s daughters in a department store. She learned Sue-Rae had died the year before and her singing “O Holy Night” for Christmas Eve was something she had talked about until the end of her life. It made Maryrose tear up because, in spite of everything, she knows she did the right thing. She has no regrets.

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri: We Had a Plan

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“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” Leonard Bernstein

If you are anything like me, your December concert and worship music for this year was planned during the summer or before. Your plans are coming to fruition or close to it. You are calm, knowing things are falling into place, right? Or maybe not.

There is always something to muck up our carefully laid plans around this time of year. A soloist gets sick, a snowstorm causes trouble or instrumentalists with car issues make us squirm. We handle whatever is thrown at us, and if we are smart, are flexible. Sometimes, the challenge to get things “right” turns our simple plans on their heads and somehow, the revised and improvised plan is better than we had ever imagined.

 Dante* had grand plans last year. The Sunday before Christmas was to be the cantata to end all cantatas at his church. His Pastor approved a music budget for this Advent event he had only dreamed about. This was due to a significant monetary legacy donated to the church’s music program during the summer. There was enough left over for next year’s music budget to be doubled from years past. What a blessing!

He hired two vocal soloists from the local university, thirty minutes away. He arranged for a small string orchestra comprised of professionals from the city. He rehearsed his volunteer church choir, beginning from the first choir rehearsal in September, until everyone knew the music from memory. The church organist loved the music, accompanying as usual for rehearsals. But he was really looking forward to getting a chance to sing for a change. Dante was excited. Dante was nervous. But Dante was prepared, or so he thought.

There was a dress rehearsal the Friday before that Sunday. Everything was going according to plan. The soprano soloist happened to be the teacher of one of the “daughters of the church,” Ginny*, and was especially thrilled her student would be singing in the choir. The small string orchestra was wonderful to work with and Dante was having a great time conducting. The organist was having a great time singing. And the choir was enjoying singing a great work with an orchestra.

The Saturday before the Sunday, everything began to go south. The baritone soloist called at lunch time to say his wife (the soprano) had lost her voice. He would still sing but there was NO WAY she could, even if her voice improved a little the next day. He suggested having Ginny sing, since she had studied the soprano solo sections with her teacher (the soprano soloist) during the fall. Dante arranged for Ginny to be coached by the baritone that afternoon and trusted all would be well.

 Saturday night, it began to snow. It snowed all night and portions of the interstate from the city were closed. Dante began to get phone messages and texts early that morning from players in the string orchestra telling him it was impossible for them to get there that morning. All except two violins, a viola and ‘cello contacted him. He didn’t realize that until he got to church. Since Dante was fairly confident his organist would be able to play, he didn’t think to check who had contacted him and who didn’t.

 Dante arrived early at the church to chaos, with the Sexton snowplowing the parking lot and the Pastor worrying about low turnout for worship. The organist arrived soon after, fully resigned to playing instead of singing. Then, a string quartet walked in and no, this is not the punch line from a joke. The two violins, viola and ‘cello were part of the string orchestra Dante had hired and had a gig as a quartet in the area Saturday night. They decided to spend the night instead of going back when the weather got bad. The choir straggled in, mostly on time for their Call, despite the weather. Dante had to do some fancy rearranging before the service began but took a deep breath and dived in.

Let’s review:

  • The weather outside was frightful.
  • Substitute soprano soloist did a beautiful job.
  • String quartet instead of a small string orchestra.
  • Choir knew the work, backwards and forwards, and sang well.
  • Organist got to sing.
  • Pews were filled.
  • The family who donated the monetary legacy in their mother’s name was moved to tears at how beautiful and special it was. They are thinking about donating more money to the music program.

The verdict: the best musical performance Dante had ever been a part of, snow or no snow. There isn’t one thing he would change. Well, there is one thing he would do differently. Next time, it’s an Easter cantata when there is NO chance of snow!

*Name withheld

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