Choral Ethics

“A coach’s greatest asset is his sense of responsibility – the reliance placed on him by his players.” Knute Rockne

 Holly* is the kind of singer we all wish we had in our choirs. She’s dependable and takes the initiative. She practices the hard bits outside of rehearsal. She helps with non-musical things without being asked. Being a member of her church choir has been like a “balm in Gilead” for Holly after a messy divorce and single motherhood’s responsibilities. The choir babysitter for her son during rehearsal, the beautiful music and wonderful people makes singing a carefree highlight of the week for her. Astrid*, her choir director, appreciates all she does for the choir. The choir used to take her contributions for granted, until she wasn’t able to do them; and then complained and made her feel guilty.

Holly always knew what she was doing to help the choir was being ignored by the choir. She shrugged it off in the past because it didn’t bother her. She did things to help because she wanted to, not because she wanted credit or compliments. She believed filing music or organizing their liturgical stoles according to color was her contribution to the choir and to her church. Holly felt since she couldn’t contribute as much monetarily, this was part of her offering.

This past fall was difficult for her. Her son talked about living with his father. Her Mother passed away suddenly, leaving the estate in a mess which Holly needed to clean up. She realized the only time she could get to her Mom’s hometown to do so was her son’s two week Christmas break. Holly decided she would have to leave the day before Christmas Eve to be ready for the paperwork and attorneys on December 26. That meant not singing for the Christmas Eve service or the Christmas morning service.

Holly told Astrid she would not be able to sing Christmas weekend right before Thanksgiving. She would still be able to sing for the Advent cantata but would not be able to do what she usually did for the Christmas services. When Astrid made the announcement they would need volunteers to coordinate the pre-service Christmas Eve Choir dinner and to clean up, there was an uproar. The choir usually just showed up with what Holly told them to show up with. And afterward, they all had their chores which Holly assigned. No one wanted to do what Holly did so effortlessly. And told her so numerous times. They made her feel guilty for needing to take care of her Mother’s business around Christmas.

Holly tells me she coordinated the Christmas Eve choir dinner anyway just to stop the snotty comments. She used a spread sheet from the previous year and assigned folks the same tasks. It wasn’t a big deal and now thinks she should have done it to begin with so there wouldn’t have been such an uproar. But Holly did resent having to do it when she was having problems of her own.

Astrid reported things went well but Holly is still a bit hurt. She is the first one to collect money for choir members in their hours of need or to pass around a birthday card or buy a thank you gift for Astrid. Why couldn’t people realize she needed to take care of her own family this time?

When she contacted me right after the first of the year, Holly wasn’t sure she was ready to go back to choir practice that week. She wanted me to tell her what to do; should she drop out or should she go back? I explained I understood her position, heck; I was even IN her position more than once in my life. I asked her if she loved to sing with Astrid. She said she did. Why did she NOT want to go back? She didn’t like the way people treated her when she couldn’t sing or coordinate Christmas Eve. Does she have enough hurt and resentment to make it reason to drop out? Well, no.

I suggested she go back but not do as much of the “busy work” she has been doing. Or only do the things that give her some enjoyment. She should let Astrid know she will be cutting back on those other things. Or maybe, since she is good at spread sheets and such, she should set a few up for the tasks she has done in the past. Someone else can do them, but she can assign them; she will feel like she’s doing something and the rest of the choir will not take things for granted any longer.

The take home from Holly’s story for us as choir directors is to not rely so much on one or two volunteers. We depend on them, but they depend on us to not burn them out. And sometimes, we need to protect those dependable and reliable choir members from the rest of the choir.

*Name Withheld

“Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.” Henry Ford

We begin Choral Ethics 2017 with a January’s worth of letters (emails) concerning Four Rs; Being Ready, Being Reliable, Being Respectful and Not Being Revengeful. Each blog will present several writers problems and a bit of our email conversations concerning them. The New Year is always a good time to get things off your chest so there is still time to get your questions and dilemmas addressed this January. Please email me at: with “Choral Ethics” as the subject line. Your situation will be disguised as much as possible to keep the kernel of the problem but not to reveal who you are. I always respect your privacy and may ask follow-up questions to clarify if need be.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and your choirs did well in concert or in worship. I bet you spent quite a bit of time planning for whatever you did. Did you feel ready?

Ruth* plans quite far in advance in her position as a high school choral teacher. She has a good idea who will be singing in her top choirs and begins her repertoire selections for the next school year sometime in April or May. Her Freshmen ensembles are usually a bit of a surprise as to singing ability but she gets their repertoire and alternatives ready at the same time. She spends the summer readying choir folders and generally getting her choir room in tip-top shape to begin a new school year.

Her new Band Director/Department Chair colleague is NOT a planner. This caused a somewhat unpleasant situation for Ruth last fall. She was expected to have her top choirs sing with his top band at their joint Winter Holiday concert. But they did not know what they would be singing until just before Thanksgiving. The Band Guy had no idea how to look for band/choral winter holiday material and felt “strange” (his words) allowing Ruth to do it. He found something at the last minute Ruth felt was “cheesy” but she sucked it up and prepared her choir anyway. Ruth felt her choirs were not ready or rehearsed enough to do their best. The combined piece was not exactly a failure but it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience either. And she had to field parents’ negative comments about it too.

She doesn’t want to be known as a Prima Donna but does not want this situation to happen again. I asked if this was a new thing, for the top band and choirs to sing a combined piece. She said no, it was not, but they haven’t done it for a few years and Band Guy wanted to resurrect the tradition. I asked if the school owned any of the combined pieces they had done at past winter concerts with the previous band director. She said they did. I told her to drag them out in the spring and have Band Guy chose one. That way she’ll know which piece so she will be able to get in enough rehearsal and Band Guy won’t feel “strange.” Trying not to be too nosy, I asked why he he told her he felt “strange.” Ruth told me he feels instrumentalists are musicians and singers are singers. That’s why he thought it didn’t matter how soon he picked the combined piece. Oh. I give Ruth props for not blowing up. She’s quite the professional.

Roger* feels his church choir is never ready to sing on Sundays. They stumble over words. They muff entrances. Their intonation is off. When they sing anthems with more than two parts, they sound muddy. It’s been this way since he began this position five years ago. He chalked it up to being a “typical church choir” since his Pastor never complains and the congregation seems happy.

Roger is not a trained choir director; he’s a pianist and organist. While he’s done plenty of accompanying, he’s not done much leading of rehearsals until he was hired in this position as a choir master/organist. He attended a church music conference last summer and heard other church choirs who sounded much better than his choir, despite having fewer people. And he wonders why.

When he contacted me, I told him becoming a ChoralNet User was a good place to start to learn about directing. I also told him attending choral conferences of all sorts would help him improve his choir, but most importantly, would help improve him. We must always be improving if we want our choirs to improve. And sometimes, meeting our choirs where they are right now is the first step to their improvement. His repertoire expectations for them might change and that’s okay. We have to be willing to begin at the beginning if need be to be ready for the next step.

Being “ready” is more than picking repertoire or having a productive rehearsal; it’s a mindset. Are you ready for the New Year?

*Name Withheld

“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” Leonard Bernstein

If you are anything like me, your December concert and worship music for this year was planned during the summer or before. Your plans are coming to fruition or close to it. You are calm, knowing things are falling into place, right? Or maybe not.

There is always something to muck up our carefully laid plans around this time of year. A soloist gets sick, a snowstorm causes trouble or instrumentalists with car issues make us squirm. We handle whatever is thrown at us, and if we are smart, are flexible. Sometimes, the challenge to get things “right” turn our simple plans on their heads and somehow, the revised and improvised plan is better than we had ever imagined.

Dante*had grand plans last year. The Sunday before Christmas was to be the cantata to end all cantatas at his church. His Pastor approved a music budget for this Advent event he had only dreamed about. This was due to a significant monetary legacy donated to the church’s music program during the summer. There was enough left over for next year’s music budget to be doubled from years past. What a blessing!

He hired two vocal soloists from the local university, thirty minutes away. He arranged for a small string orchestra comprised of professionals from the city. He rehearsed his volunteer church choir, beginning from the first choir rehearsal in September, until everyone knew the music from memory. The church organist loved the music, accompanying as usual for rehearsals. But he was really looking forward to getting a chance to sing for a change. Dante was excited. Dante was nervous. But Dante was prepared, or so he thought.

There was a dress rehearsal the Friday before that Sunday. Everything was going according to plan. The soprano soloist happened to be the teacher of one of the “daughters of the church,” Ginny*, and was especially thrilled her student would be singing in the choir. The small string orchestra was wonderful to work with and Dante was having a great time conducting. The organist was having a great time singing. And the choir was enjoying singing a great work with an orchestra.

The Saturday before the Sunday, everything began to go south. The baritone soloist called at lunch time to say his wife (the soprano) had lost her voice. He would still sing but there was NO WAY she could, even if her voice improved a little, the next day. He suggested having Ginny sing, since she had studied the soprano solo sections with her teacher (the soprano soloist) during the fall. Dante arranged for Ginny to be coached by the baritone that afternoon and trusted all would be well.

Saturday night, it began to snow. It snowed all night and portions of the interstate from the city were closed. Dante began to get phone messages and texts early that morning from players in the string orchestra telling him it was impossible for them to get there that morning. All except two violins, a viola and ‘cello contacted him. He didn’t realize that until he got to church. Since Dante was fairly confident his organist would be able to play, he didn’t think to check who had contacted him and who didn’t.

Dante arrived early at the church to chaos, with the Sexton snowplowing the parking lot and the Pastor worrying about low turnout for worship. The organist arrived soon after, fully resigned to playing instead of singing. Then, a string quartet walked in and no, this is not the punch line from a joke. The two violins, viola and ‘cello were part of the string orchestra Dante had hired and had a gig as a quartet in the area Saturday night. They decided to spend the night instead of going back when the weather got bad. The choir straggled in, mostly on time for their Call, despite the weather. Dante had to do some fancy rearranging before the service began but took a deep breath and dived in.

Let’s review:

• The weather outside was frightful
• Substitute soprano soloist did a beautiful job
• String quartet instead of a small string orchestra
• Choir knew the work, backwards and forwards, and sang well
• Organist got to sing
• Pews were filled
• The family who donated the monetary legacy in their Mother’s name was moved to tears at how beautiful and special it was. They are thinking about donating more money to the music program.

The verdict: the best musical performance Dante had ever been a part of, snow or no snow. There isn’t one thing he would change. Well, there is one thing he would do differently. Next time, it’s an Easter cantata when there is NO chance of snow!

*Name withheld

“My mother was a lady like yours, you will allow……” Jimmie Rodgers

My Mother would have been 89 years old today. Born on Thanksgiving Day, she loved the holiday, the food and having her family around her. Today my family is gathering to celebrate Thanksgiving of course, but also to reminisce about Mom on her birthday…it’s the second one we’ve had without her. One of the reasons I became interested in Choral Ethics is because of Mom so it seems appropriate to blog about her today.

Mom was an opera singer, singing the role of the Queen of the Night and many operettas roles (she’s playing the role of Countess Henrietta in a production of Martha in this photo) as well. As her six children came along, she specialized in oratorio work and was a paid church choir ringer until her early 70s. We didn’t think it strange to have a mother gone several evenings a week for rehearsals or to be asked to help figure out what jewelry would go with which gown. During one of her last hospitalizations, in the corridor outside of her room my brother and I agreed she must be feeling better because she “had her Diva back” much to the horror of one of her nurses. We explained she had been an opera singer and we meant “Diva” in that sense…and it was a good thing she was asking for her lipstick!

Mom’s death two years ago wasn’t a surprise but the quickness of her downhill spiral was. Driving back and forth to my parents’ home gave me time to think about my Choral Ethics Project. And I came to the conclusion the real inspiration for Choral Ethics and the whole concept was because of my mother, the coloratura soprano Rose Marie (Ditto) Grass. In those drives, it became clear my lessons at Mom’s knee are attitudes I have brought into my adult life. I kept thinking about Mom in various situations and how she practiced what she preached. Through all the opera productions, concerts and worship services where Mom was a soloist or Prima Donna, she had a graciousness, humbleness and kindness I thought everyone who was a musician possessed.

I remember, very distinctly, her practicing the Queen of the Night runs almost every day well into her 60s, usually while doing the dishes.  These are the kinds of things most “civilians” take for granted; those runs have to be practiced and practiced for them to stay in the voice.  In order to be ready to do difficult things, you have to practice.  Even when doing dishes. And Mom’s practice work ethic was incredible. She taught us much by the way she lived; managing to have a bit of a singing career, raising six very different individuals while being married to the same man for almost 60 years.

There is an incident when I was in high school which sticks in my mind. I was a junior and had just auditioned for the spring show, with my audition being pro forma since it was understood I would have the lead. I came home from the audition gloating and, as Mom would say, “being ugly.” She snapped at me about my behavior. She told me I should not get too comfortable and think I’ll always get the part; there would be plenty of times in my life I wouldn’t. She told me to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated if I hadn’t gotten it. And she said if I didn’t behave as a “gracious winner,” she would pull me out of the show. I shaped up pretty quickly! Being a gracious winner, in addition to being a gracious loser, was just one of her lessons. We were expected not to gossip, be on time if at all possible and to pick up after ourselves. As an adult, I’ve tried to uphold her values …but it is not always easy.

The evening she lay dying, we sang songs she taught us…songs no one sings anymore because they are old fashioned. I like to think her legacy besides those old songs will be the Choral Ethics Movement and being an ethical, moral choral conductor will never be out of fashion. It will be another “song” she has taught me. And I am incredibly thankful.

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.” Robert Louis Stevenson

I hate whiners. When my boys were young, they knew I would not “hear” them if they complained in a whiny voice. They could complain about life not being fair or that someone got a bigger piece of cake or more broccoli (never happened) then they did. I would be sympathetic, but once that whiny tinge crept in, I turned off. I think it has something to do with coming from a large family. It’s one of my pet peeves.

I get about two to three Choral Ethics emails a week, about one “whiny” email every few months. I have to confess it’s tough for me to focus on the actual problems of the “whiners” and disregard their tone. I attempt to hone in on their problem and leave out the “it’s not fairs” when I reread the email. I don’t tell them their presentation of problems is a problem for me because it will confuse the issue. And many of their problems are confusing enough!

This brings me to the subject of this blog; making the most of the situation you are handed, fair or not. It is an art unto itself; turning lemons into lemonade or blooming where you are planted or any number of cliché laden wisdoms. We all have occasion to feel put upon or feel we are being treated unjustly. Sometimes things are just not fair. It may be true, it may not be true, but how we handle the situation and make the most of things, which in the end, determines our success.

Ray* recently retired from a high school district where he was held in some regard as an innovator. He started out in the district at the “worst” of three high schools. His predecessor had left in disgust, feeling he could not do anything to improve the situation because of lack of support from administration and parents. The students seemed not to care and it was a “real mess” according to Ray. Yet he retired with a program considered to be one of the best in his state. What was his secret? He made that proverbial lemonade from lemons!

When he applied for the position, he believed it would be a step up from his last job but it was not. With a wife and young baby, he had to make it work somehow, at least for that year. He had no tenors, few basses and three altos TOTAL when he was hired 25 years ago. Ray says there were also plenty of the usual high school soprano-types who didn’t want to sing anything but show tunes or whatever was popular. Behavior and attitude was a challenge and he hated to go to work. He admits he felt sorry for himself for about the first five weeks of school. But then he went to a Friday night football game to help the band director and everything changed.

One of their school’s home halftime traditions was to have the football team sing a Doo-Wop version of their school fight song as they came back onto the field. It was unaccompanied. And it was good! So Ray hung around after the game to talk to the coach and asked if he could talk to the team at the next practice. Long story, short; he did and so begins his story of a successful choral program. And not just for his school, but for the whole district.

Ray tells me if he hadn’t gone to the football game, he doubts he would have stayed more than a year. He had lost hope and was discouraged just weeks into the school year. Hearing those big brawny football players sing in close harmony, some singing falsetto, convinced him vocal music was valued at that school, just not in the ways he was used to. His challenge was to adapt to the culture.

It took a few years to get his ideas up and running, but it did happen. Several football players always enjoyed singing falsetto so he usually had counter-tenors. When he retired, he left a mixed chorus of 90 strong singers, a men’s chorus of 40, a treble chorus of 50 (including counter-tenors) and a swing chorus of 30.

Ray’s advice when you don’t have the ideal situation? Look beyond the obvious. The solution is out there, you just have to be open to it. Feel sorry for yourself if you must, but then get over it!

*Name withheld

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.” P. G. Wodehouse

I am a great believer in apologies. If we do or say something to hurt someone else, and we care about them, we should do whatever it takes to make things right. There are plenty of reasons to apologize in our work; reasons from not being prepared for rehearsal, saying something mean spirited, being in a bad mood or being late. I had never thought about apologizing in quite the way one of my recent correspondents does, but I agree with her.

Deb* was having a bad day. One of those days you wish were over even as it begins. It started normally enough, but as soon as she stepped out of the shower, her mother called saying her father had been diagnosed with cancer. Then her favorite coffee mug shattered. The blouse she had planned to wear had a spot on it she hadn’t noticed before. Then she couldn’t find two socks that matched. And someone had dinged her back bumper in the apartment building’s parking lot overnight. You get the picture…not a good day. Deb pulled herself together and went on to work, dreading the day to come.

She taught elementary school music and her young students were being more than a handful. Deb went through the motions of classroom management while trying to get them playing and singing something. She had always believed the worse she felt, the worse her classes behaved and that day confirmed it. She just knew her demeanor was the cause of their behavior. It wasn’t anything she said or did, she was just not her normal, happy self and believed her students “smelled blood in the water.”

Deb complained at lunch about having an important, “can’t cancel” church choir practice that night when all she wanted to do was go see her parents. The band director, who also had a church job, made a suggestion. He told her when he was having a rotten day; he often apologized (before he said or did something to apologize for) at the beginning of choir rehearsal. For some reason, things went better when he did, go figure.

So Deb held it together until the end of the school day, picked up some fast food, a mug of tea and trundled off to church. She got her choir room organized, set out music and folders and did everything she could possibly think of to make rehearsal go well. Then she cried.

She had mixed feelings about apologizing at the beginning of her rehearsal, but then thought……what could it hurt? Her apology began by describing her car getting dinged, her father’s cancer diagnosis and ended by apologizing for being distracted. Many of her singers wondered why she had not cancelled rehearsal but admired her dedication. One of the long-time choir members (you know the one), suggested they get down to business. Which is what they did. Rehearsal went better than expected, they accomplished what they needed to, and finished 45 minutes earlier than usual.

Deb drove to her parents’ house and her father had better news from the second opinion. As she parked in her building’s parking lot, the person who dinged her car was waiting and confessed. He had already spoken to his insurance company; her car would be repaired over the weekend. She began her laundry so she could have socks that matched and a clean blouse in the morning. The day ended much better than it had begun.

Deb believes showing her vulnerability to her church choir that evening helped her focus, and her choir focus as well. As a result the choir was productive instead of floundering. She would have felt worse if nothing had been accomplished. All this happened about 15 years ago. Ever since, Deb apologizes to her choirs when she knows she’s going to have a bad day. Makes a world of difference, she believes.

Oh, and she married the band director.

*Name withheld