Choral Ethics

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Music in the Time of Pandemic

April 16, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta 1 Comment

“All has been looted, betrayed, sold; black death’s wing flashed ahead.” Anna Akhmatova

I don’t know about you, but for the last month, I’ve been searching for the “normal” in my life and there doesn’t seem to be any normal anywhere. I’ve had to cancel our May concert. Projects I’ve looked forward to have gone away. Nothing is the way it should be and there is fear. I can’t find one “normal” thing or the way it should be in my life. Quite frankly, I don’t want to get used to what is happening now; I don’t want this to be the “new normal.”

My spouse is a physician, seeing patients, though not COVID-19 patients at this point, but still am afraid for him. Cancer and hearing loss still happens in the midst of a Pandemic, so he sees anyone who has an appointment, able to come to his office. He is fully gowned and masked, as is his staff. He is no longer able to do surgery except for the occasional biopsy. Soon he will be called upon to see the COVID-19 patients in the ICU at his hospital; it’s just a matter of time. The stories he has already told me about how things need to be handled do not give me comfort. He had to fire someone who worked for him for stealing a huge box of surgical masks they had planned to resale.

I’ve gained ten pounds. I have baked and cooked up a storm, perfecting cranberry bread and blueberry muffin recipes and making comfort foods. I’ve tried to write (last week’s blog was a rerun from past years Holy Week blogs because it was so difficult for me to write anything this year) but have had spurts and stops when I couldn’t sit still long enough.

Two of our sons are with us; our autistic son and the professional church musician. Our autistic son is enjoying having us around more but has to be told over and over to wash his hands. He does have the “elbow bump” perfected but it is difficult for him to not have his regular schedule. My musician son’s students and church job went POOF in mid-March, though he will be able to return when this is all over, whenever that is. He is practicing the piano most of the time so that’s a good thing for a change, since he is usually practicing the organ. Our third son is in his apartment in the city, working from home. He works in the legal department of a health care organization so he is super-busy. I still wish he could be home with the rest of us but talk to him every day if I can. My 92 year old Dad is well; I just wish I could see him. I am lucky he lives next-door to some of my siblings and they are looking out for him.

My chamber choir had the best first two rehearsals of any concert cycle ever and then, we had to cancel rehearsals. And then, we had to cancel our concert. We decided to post live music on our choir’s Facebook page every day so that’s what my son and I have been doing. It’s given us both something to practice and look forward to each day. It’s strange not having something to work toward and this had helped us feel better. My husband has been persuaded to play for our posts and I think that’s helped him too. I’ve learned a lot about recording and uploading and all sorts of useful stuff that will help my organization after this is over.

There are a few other things I’ve learned since we’ve all been sheltering-in-place. The most important is this: be kind. Be kind to those you are quarantined with and those who you’ve worked with and those who you are related to. Give others the benefit of the doubt; they may not be coping as well as you are or they may be coping BETTER than you are but give ‘em a break no matter.

If you are able to practice and are being productive and your friends are not able to do anything but lie on their couch, don’t judge them. And if you’re not able to do anything but take a shower most days and you see all your friends on Facebook writing new cantatas, don’t judge them. There is no right or wrong way; there is just any way of getting through this.

I will be talking and commenting about my blogs on my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future and begin that this morning. If you’ve every wondered what I look like or sound like, here’s your chance to find out! Please comment here or on our Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Be well and see you next week.

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Busy Times

April 9, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“He, who every morning plans the transactions of the day, and follows that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through a labyrinth of the most busy life.” Victor Hugo

This was written and scheduled before COVID-19 changed our world. Please enjoy and hope we all are soon back to normal!

I am sure you are busy. In fact, I know you are busy this week. This week, Holy Week is the distillation of all we as choral professionals do, packed into seven days. A friend of mine in grad school, who used to sung with the professional choir at Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago, told me she and her fellow choristers called this “H**L Week.” At the end of it on Easter Sunday, they came out of it bleary eyed, craving chocolate and wanting to sleep for 24 hours. Most church musicians can relate to this and even if you are not a church musician, you can relate.

Whether you are singing, playing or conducting this week, you are busy. But this is just the showy part of the worship services, lined up one after another during Holy Week, the real work took place months ago. I explain to my civilian friends and family, being a choral conductor means steady planning for months, then intense busyness, then nothing. And repeat. It may seem to my mother-in-law I don’t work during the summer but it’s my most productive time. And my planning is probably more important than my actual doing.

This week, all your plans are coming to fruition. Everything you’ve been working on for months is finally coming together. There is a light at the end tunnel, along with the Easter Lilies. You are almost there with only a couple of rehearsals left.

Remember to jot down, when you have a minute, what works and what doesn’t this week so you’ll be a bit ahead for next year. Remember to eat properly and get enough sleep (if you can) so you can get through the whole week and not crash at the end. Remember to participate in, as well as observe your beautifully planned Tenebrae service and feel the wonder of it all. Remember to guide your choirs and the other musicians through the last part of the Lenten journey. Remember to remember what this feels like; a wonderfully planned and perfectly executed Holy Week and even if you don’t think it is, someone will, so take the compliment!

We are almost there, almost. Take a break, take a nap and then buckle down for these last few days. The brass players are ready, the organ and piano are tuned, your choirs seem prepared and everything is in place. I can smell the Easter Lilies……what are you waiting for…let’s do this!

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Autism Awareness Month

April 2, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“Autism is part of who I am.” Temple Grandin

This was written and scheduled before COVID-19 changed our world. Please enjoy and hope we all are soon back to normal soon!

“Mrs. Amenta, we have to be kind to those poor parents. They have children with autism and have no hope.” For some reason, Dr. Marguerite’s* comment just ticked me off. This was about 18 years ago and I was the president of a local chapter of the Autism Society of America. Dr. Marguerite was a speaker at one of our monthly meetings and I was trying to get things organized before everyone got there. She spoke patronizingly about our members as we got her materials set up. She never realized that I too was one of “those poor parents” and she was actually offending me.

My eldest son has autism and if you think I’m sensitive about it, you would be wrong. I accept it and him for who he is. I love him because he is my son and because, despite his disability, his sweet, loving personality comes through. I am realistic but I also am able to see his potential. It is so much better to focus on what he can do rather than what he can’t. Russell is a person, not a disability, and is worthy of respect.

Our family has tried to put a face on autism by being advocates in our autism journey. My husband, a physician, wrote the first children’s book about autism, which was updated with a new look and title in 2011. I have worked with parents groups, siblings groups and have been a music inclusion consultant. And have been a mentor for choirs of adults with developmental disabilities of all sorts. We are active in advocacy. No one should feel sorry for us; this is our life and we live it as well as we can.

Of course, I fought for him when he was in school. I fought for him to be a music inclusion student when he began high school. At our first IEP meeting, I suggested he be in orchestra as an inclusion student. Our Staffing Team was dumbfounded that I had the nerve to suggest it! What they didn’t realize was the orchestra director was the spouse of my other sons’ piano teacher and I had already spoken with him. He agreed and was excited since he knew Russ came from a family of musicians. The Team finally agreed (I wouldn’t sign the IEP unless they at least tried it) to only the first ten minutes of class. I figured getting his foot in the door was better than nothing.

A week or so later, I got a message from the school, asking me to sign off on an amendment to his IEP. When I returned the call, I was flabbergasted to learn they wanted to extend the time he was in orchestra. The professionals thought since he was doing so well, it would be in his best interest to stay for the whole class. Who was I to argue with the professionals???!!!??? If they wanted to think it was their idea in the first place, far be it from me to rock the boat when I was getting what I wanted. He did extremely well and ended up conducting the orchestra for their Alma Mater at a concert toward the end of high school years. He made many, many friends and enriched his classmates’ lives as well; a win/win as far as I’m concerned.

Dr. Marguerite’s presentation itself was okay all those years ago. The one thing that I remember from her speech was she was talking down to us. She seemed to think she had all the answers and if we were more intelligent or educated or…something…we wouldn’t have a child with autism. What she didn’t acknowledge was EVERYONE will be affected by disability, through no fault of their own, at some point in their lives. You might have a cousin with Downs Syndrome or a grandparent with dementia. Your mother might have macular degeneration and go blind or your neighbor might have a child with autism. Someone you love will be disabled.

When you are asked to have a music inclusion student in your choir, think how you would feel if it were your child. Don’t feel sympathy for them, feel compassion for them. Instead of focusing on how good it feels for you; focus on how good you are making them feel. It will make you feel good. But whatever opportunities you will be creating for them will far outlast your thrill. And that’s a good thing.

*Name Withheld

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Appearing to Get Along

March 26, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta 1 Comment

“While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.” Francis of Assisi

This was written and scheduled before COVID-19 changed our world. Please enjoy and hope we all are soon back to normal!

If you’ve been reading my Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics blogs for any length of time, you know I HATE GOSSIP! Hate it. Detest it and LOATH it, especially in a choral setting.

It does no good to gossip about our colleagues and their ensembles. It doesn’t help the arts community in general or the choral community specifically to “bad mouth” others. We are all in this together and the sooner we realize it and behave accordingly, the sooner we will reap the benefits. We should be supportive of each other, since if your group is doing well, my group should be as well.

Many forget this truth. They attend concerts and gossip about the performance or the concert wear or who is doing what and how well WHILE THE CONCERT IS HAPPENING. They repeat gossip they hear to their friends and the truth, whatever it is, morphs into something unrecognizable, the victim of a game of “Telephone.” It might be “fun” but it is damaging because it destroys good will. And art organizations, no matter on the church, school or community level, need good will to survive.

My own chamber choir is not the norm in our community and as often as not, is referred to as that “little choir” in a rather disparaging way. The singers in my choir understand we are that “little choir” until proven otherwise. There is often gossip about us, especially from singers in other ensembles. We know we are singing music no other ensemble in our community is singing because it’s difficult and like it just fine.

I hate the gossip which surrounds some art organizations–you know the ones I mean. I won’t tolerate gossip in my rehearsals from singers about other groups, especially if they are former members of those other groups. You won’t hear a bad word from me about my conducting colleagues or their choirs in public or private. I will nod or be non-committal when gossip swirls around me but I won’t join in the “fun” no matter what. I know when the gossip is directed at me in my presence and I refuse to acknowledge it, I look stupid or naïve. If I say anything in retaliation or make an equally nasty comment, I will be sinking to their level. And I will look as poorly as they do. Better to be thought of as stupid than nasty!

There is a difference between networking and gossip. If someone retires and there is an open position, it’s good to know. It’s also good to hear why the person is leaving so we can decide if we really want to apply. Whoever applies for the first job and then gets it will create another opening. And so on, down the food chain of choral jobs. We’ve all heard stories about colleagues in our community: the “too big for his britches” fellow who got the plum church job and was asked to leave after eight months or the college conductor who retired and left a mess for his successor to clean up or the community chorus director who didn’t try to be a community member. I never believe such stories unless I hear it from a person I respect. I don’t repeat the stories to anyone because I don’t want to perpetuate gossip. It’s not fair to my colleagues and I don’t want to get that reputation.

Repetition creates habit, as we all know from our own practicing and rehearsing. If we get into the habit of gossiping, we will continue to gossip. I have often thought if we said nice things about others, even if we don’t believe it, it would create the habit of saying nice things about others. Perhaps someday, we would even believe those nice things. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Feeding Our Souls

March 19, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.” Thomas Aquinas

As I write this, the world has gone crazy. We are worried about COVID-19, about cancelling rehearsals, concerts and worship services. We are all frightened and angry and a bit lost. We worry about our loved ones, our own health and our profession. Many of us are gigging musicians and cancelling a job when we need the money is stressful.

I just made the tough decision of canceling several rehearsals myself; we had just begun our rehearsal cycle. Our concert, as of now, is still on because by May 31 things COULD be back to normal. I’ve been in contact with my venue and they will keep our date scheduled unless something else happens. I am also scrambling to adjust our challenging repertoire to maybe something not QUITE as challenging with rehearsals cut. My singers understand and are resigned, thank goodness, to this adjustment but I am exhausted with trying to decide what is best. I am sure you are too.

Is the stress, of canceling rehearsals and concerts, taking a toll on YOU? Is the uncertainty of the salary you were counting on making you anxious? Are you taking care of yourself so that you may take care of others? As leaders our needs are often overlooked but we need comfort and reassurance as much as anyone else.

I came to understand the need for support of leaders about 15 years ago, when I had a large church job. I conducted four groups and it was a challenging, but great, job. We had a wonderful, congenial staff that enjoyed working with each other and our congregation. But one fall during the space of six weeks, from mid-August to the end of September, staff members EACH suffered a loss. Clergy lost her Grandfather and I lost my Grandmother. The church secretary lost her brother and the Director of Christian Ed lost her father. Our organist also lost his father and the Sexton’s wife had a stroke. To say we were all the walking wounded was an understatement.

Our congregation, while knowing about each of our losses, couldn’t understand why we were just going through the motions of our jobs. At a staff meeting in the middle of all this, our Clergy remarked that we ministers needed to be ministered to. We decided to minister to one another and it was remarkable the difference it made in our healing and our ability to perform our jobs.

We need to take care of ourselves during this time of Pandemic. In our quest to get rehearsal tracks out, virtual rehearsals organized and to make sure our folks know what is happening with rehearsals and concerts, we could also take a little time for ourselves. Perhaps connect with colleagues making the same choices we have had to make for reassurance. Make something yummy and listen to something we haven’t had a chance to lately. Watch a movie we’ve been meaning to or Skype with a loved one we’re worried about. Reach out, while self-distancing, to those who mean something to us to let them know we love them and are thinking of them.

Let’s try to feed our souls while trying to follow the guidelines. Read, draw, write, practice or sight read and be creative in ways we haven’t had time to in our busy lives. But remember this; All Passes-ART alone endures.

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: I Wish I Could

March 12, 2020 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“It is not enough just to wish well; we must also do well.” Saint Ambrose

Like people in all walks of life, I am often stretched thin by requests. From my spouse and children, from my choir and professional colleagues, from community and art organizations I support; I am often overwhelmed. No one thinks twice about asking me to do something because I always come through; always. I try to honor those requests and even if I am not able, I try.

It’s gotten a bit too much for me, in addition to my professional obligations and family obligations, to do as much as in years past. Why? I recently realized I do almost nothing I want to do or that brings me joy. When things are a joy, we do them happily, easily and quickly. When things are a burden, they are a chore and drag out. I have requests which take precedence over things that bring me pleasure but I come through, despite the toll. In the last few weeks, my plate has been so full of chores and obligations I have reached my limit. And am extremely tired. I have decided to cull my obligations.

I am not alone in culling obligations. Jaqueline* began cutting out those time wasters a few years ago. In fact, her story inspired me to take a look at my own life.

A few years ago, Jaqueline’s daughter asked her to help with her Troop’s annual Girl Scout Cookie Drive. But she didn’t actually ask at first because she was crying. Why was she crying? She wanted her Mom to help but KNEW she would not be able to because she is so busy. Now Jaqueline is a former Girl Scout herself and loves the Cookie Drive and couldn’t imagine why her daughter would think that; except she really IS busy.

Her fairly large church job and community chorus directorship require she attend many rehearsals of course but also many, many, MANY committee meetings. And most of those committee meetings she did not need to attend but did so to keep aware of things pertaining to her choral groups. So she tried to figure out how she could help her daughter’s troop by cutting out things she could cut out for six weeks. After explaining her situation to her supervising clergy and the chorus board, she realized she needed to attend only ONE MEETING during those six weeks. They emailed the minutes of the other meetings she did not attend. It was fine.

After the Cookie Drive was over, Jaqueline started to go back to her old ways. But she soon discovered something; she didn’t need to attend most of those meetings. Jaqueline sat in meeting after meeting and began to look at things with fresh eyes. It was a nice idea to show her church job and her community chorus she wanted to be involved and aware of what was happening. But she didn’t NEED to be involved with the theme of the fund raiser or to help get bids for a new roof for the church. Her Epiphany, if you will, came after a two hours discussion of gift baskets for a silent auction while her youngest had a bad cold and a fever. Again, she spoke with her supervising clergy and the chorus board and was supported in her decision to cut back on her meeting attendance. Both groups assured her, if she was really needed at a particular meeting she wasn’t scheduled to attend, she would be alerted. In the past three years, there have been two extra meetings she needed to attend.

Jaqueline tells me since she’s cut out extra meetings, she feels physically better. She occasionally volunteers for her children’s elementary school and scouting activities of her own choosing. And also has more energy for her church job and community chorus. It’s been Win-Win for all concerned; her family as well as her jobs. Jaqueline realized she CAN’T do it all without taking a toll on her own person.

All of us are busy, with sometimes unnecessary BUSYNESS. We can’t imagine we could get more things accomplished if we cut out extra things we’ve been led to believe are important, but aren’t. With more energy and more time to re-charge, we CAN get more accomplished if we cut out things that waste our time. I am taking a page from Jaqueline this month; I already feel less stressed!