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Choral Ethics

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Do Unto Others…….

April 15, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.” George Bernard Shaw

I read some interesting parenting advice a few days ago that got me thinking. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was how I raised my own children. What was this nugget of wisdom that had me thinking about how I raised my kids? It was a cleverly worded version of the The Golden Rule: “do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was not only the way I chose to raise my children but also how I choose to direct my choirs. There was PLENTY my own teachers, directors and conductors did that was right and helpful as well as much I knew I would do differently. In fact, my Choral Ethics Project is based on, in part, what some of my teachers did or did not do. I’d like to share a bit of what I mean about “doing unto my singers, what I wish my directors had done unto me.”

I try new things, but I don’t change what works. I sang in a church’s children’s choir from the age of 6 or 7 until I was about 14 or 15. During that time, we had three directors; one who was excellent and two who were so-so. Those two, supposedly, had much more experience with children, but we were the first children’s choir of the excellent director. All were men and were directors of ALL the church’s choirs. Two believed it was a come down to be directing children (one was a virtuosic organist and the other was a composer) and the third was a tenor who loved to teach. The organist and composer changed our warm-ups every single rehearsal and as a result, got different vocal results every time. The tenor asked us, at our first rehearsal, what our favorite warm-ups were. He added a few of his own and we kept the same basic warm-ups the whole time he was with us. He too, occasionally tried new things, but didn’t change our warm-ups because not only were they fun to do but taught basic vocal technique. We were ready for him every rehearsal and would start them ourselves if he were a smidge late.

I am organized. I had a director in high school who was not organized AT ALL, but he was a fabulous musician and director. We sang some great music, we sounded great, and our concerts were wonderful. I had so much fun with him, I never thought his disorganization could have had a negative impact on us. Later I often wondered how much better we would have been if he had spent some time getting folders together before we walked into his classroom. Or if he had given us all the dates of our concerts, shows and school assemblies at the beginning of every semester or something like that. He was always scrambling so WE were always scrambling, and it wasn’t necessary.

I’m prepared for rehearsal; with a list of items I’d like to accomplish. I loved my undergrad conducting professor. He was a wonderful director, conducting pedagogue and a kind man. I noticed almost from the first rehearsal I had with him he had a yellow legal pad next to his score on the podium. He would check things off as rehearsal progressed. One day I asked him about his pad of paper, and he told me it was his rehearsal plan. When I took my first conducting course with him, he told our class he got a great deal of satisfaction from checking things off his list. There were times he didn’t accomplish everything on that list but said he thought it was still a good rehearsal if he accomplished at least 75% of them. I’ve carried that thought with me; you don’t have to get everything done you’d like but if you do most of them, it’s still a good rehearsal.

I never call anyone nasty names to their face.  When I was an undergrad, I participated in a master class with a famous-ish choral conductor/composer. When it was my turn to conduct, he stopped me and called me a “no talent witch” (wink-wink). Thirty minutes later, he said my ictus was “elegant.” What I did in the first place to have him call me a “witch,” I’ll never know but I was totally petrified by the time he complimented me. I’ve never forgotten how I felt when he called me that name. And I still don’t know what he meant by an elegant ictus!

What did your directors, teachers and conductors do or NOT do that has shaped how you teach, direct and conduct? What do you wish they had done differently? Please share in the comments below.

Until next week, be well and be safe!

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Filed Under: Choral Culture, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Difficult Times, Leadership, Self Care, The Choral Life

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Autism Awareness Month

April 8, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“Autism is part of who I am.” Temple Grandin


“Mrs. Amenta, we have to be kind to those poor parents. They have children with autism and have no hope.” For some reason, Dr. Marguerite’s* comment just ticked me off. This was about 20 years ago and I was the president of a local chapter of the Autism Society of America. Dr. Marguerite was a speaker at one of our monthly meetings and I was trying to get things organized before everyone got there. She spoke patronizingly about our members as we got her materials set up. She never realized that I too was one of “those poor parents” and she was actually offending me.

My eldest son has autism and if you think I’m sensitive about it, you would be wrong. I accept it and him for who he is. I love him because he is my son and because, despite his disability, his sweet, loving personality comes through. I am realistic but I also am able to see his potential. It is so much better to focus on what he can do rather than what he can’t. Russell is a person, not a disability, and is worthy of respect.

Our family has tried to put a face on autism by being advocates in our autism journey. My husband, a physician, wrote the first children’s book about autism, which was updated with a new look and title in 2011. I have worked with parents groups, siblings groups and have been a music inclusion consultant. And have been a mentor for choirs of adults with developmental disabilities of all sorts. We are active in advocacy. No one should feel sorry for us; this is our life and we live it as well as we can.

Of course, I fought for him when he was in school. I fought for him to be a music inclusion student when he began high school. At our first IEP meeting, I suggested he be in orchestra as an inclusion student. Our Staffing Team was dumbfounded that I had the nerve to suggest it! What they didn’t realize was the orchestra director was the spouse of my other sons’ piano teacher and I had already spoken with him. He agreed and was excited since he knew Russ came from a family of musicians. The Team finally agreed (I wouldn’t sign the IEP unless they at least tried it) to only the first ten minutes of class. I figured getting his foot in the door was better than nothing.

A week or so later, I got a message from the school, asking me to sign off on an amendment to his IEP. When I returned the call, I was flabbergasted to learn they wanted to extend the time he was in orchestra. The professionals thought since he was doing so well, it would be in his best interest to stay for the whole class. Who was I to argue with the professionals???!!!??? If they wanted to think it was their idea in the first place, far be it from me to rock the boat when I was getting what I wanted. He did extremely well and ended up conducting the orchestra for their Alma Mater at a concert toward the end of his high school years. He made many, many friends and enriched his classmates’ lives as well; a win/win as far as I’m concerned.

Dr. Marguerite’s presentation itself was okay all those years ago. The one thing that I remember from her speech was she was talking down to us. She seemed to think she had all the answers and if we were more intelligent or better educated or…something…we wouldn’t have a child with autism. What she didn’t acknowledge was EVERYONE will be affected by disability, through no fault of their own, at some point in their lives. You might have a cousin with Downs Syndrome or a grandparent with dementia. Your mother might have macular degeneration and go blind or your neighbor might have a child with autism. Someone you love will be disabled.

When you are asked to have a music inclusion student in your choir, think how you would feel if it were your child. Don’t feel sympathy for them, feel compassion for them. Instead of focusing on how good it feels for you; focus on how good you are making them feel. It will make you feel good. But whatever opportunities you will be creating for them will far outlast your thrill. And that’s a good thing.

NOTE to ChoralNet Readers: I have run this Blog sometime during April (Autism Awareness Month) every year I have been a regular Blogger for ChoralNet. If you have watched my virtual blogs, you have heard Russ vocalizing or seen a flash of him as he walks behind me. He is very much a part of our family and our lives, and he will continue to make “Russell Cameos” as long as I do the virtual blogs. I hope today’s Blog will inspire you to look at disability differently.

Until next week, be well and be safe!

*Name Withheld


I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Filed Under: Autism & Disability, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, The Choral Life

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: A Pandemic Holy Week

April 1, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.” Pope John Paul II

It’s another Pandemic Holy Week. A little better than last year’s, because things are a little bit better. At least we’re prepared to worship differently if need be during this strange time.

We might be worshipping via Zoom or virtually with a recorded service on YouTube. We might be in a parking lot, playing a keyboard while folks in their cars sing along with their windows shut. Or we might be able to have a real service, in our real sanctuary with social distancing and masks. In any of these situations the planning, the coordination, the solving of technical glitches and soothing of congregants is mind-boggling. Choral Folk are creative, Choral Folks are resilient and if this past year is any example, able to rise to any challenge. I have confidence you will be able to do whatever you need to do this Holy Week.

Since I was a young Church Musician, I’ve always thought of Lent as a journey we must go through, with Easter as the destination. For forty days, we work through our personal journeys of discovery, with twists and turns and tunnels and difficulties, with bright shiny Easter our goal. Many years, I’ve given things up for Lent, then appreciate them even more when Easter arrives. Giving things up is purely voluntary but it’s a big part of my personal Lenten Journey. It might be something silly like giving up chocolate or potato chips or perhaps not watching a favorite television show or postponing seeing a new movie. I’ve found, not only do I appreciate those things more, but always realize how lucky I am to be able to have them.

Like many of you, I’ve been stressed and unhappy through much of the last year. But last week I had a thought that changed my whole outlook; the Pandemic is a sort of a Lenten Journey we must all get though, and its eventual end is a sort of Easter, except giving things up is mandatory. All of us have had to give up so many things, including singing together. We’ve been forced to completely change everything we do–from how we shop for groceries and essentials to how we celebrate, and WITH WHOM we can celebrate, holidays and life events. Our lives have been upended, our health has been in peril and we’ve been kept from our loved ones.

I’ve felt better since I changed my mindset about the Pandemic; now I can see there will be an “Easter” for us all. I am finally able to plan and feel comfortable about doing so. I was able to switch a long-postponed concert to mid-November with my venue, something I had been worrying about for months. Being able to do that was a HUGE help for my mental well-being.

I also have been thinking about the Black Plague during the Middle Ages, and how after it came the Renaissance. I hope there will be a surge (in a GOOD way) of desire for singing together and the making art of all sorts together, a sort of New Renaissance for the Arts. I don’t want to get all “Pollyanna” about the Pandemic. It’s been awful for everyone, but perhaps Art will not only flourish but matter more than it ever has to us as artists and to our audiences. And that’s something to think about as we head toward Easter.

Note to my ChoralNet Readers: Last year, much to my shame, I re-ran a past Holy Week blog because I couldn’t, just couldn’t, write anything new. I had hoped ChoralNetters would take it as hopeful, as I had intended, and a way of remembering what we had before the Pandemic and what we will have again. Many of you understood what I was trying to do while some of you did NOT and reached out to me. I received emails scolding me as well as comments on some of the social media outlets on which I share this Blog. You were hurting and I wasn’t helping.

I resolved there and then not to re-run any Blog which could potentially hurt someone during these difficult times. The Blogs I did choose to re-run in December I hope gave some hope. Next week, I WILL be re-running another past Blog I’ve run before, a Blog about April being Autism Awareness Month. Again, it is with hope and compassion I share this particular Blog in our difficult times. Can I get a Hallelujah?

Until next week, be well and be safe!

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Filed Under: Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Difficult Times, Holy week, pandemic, Self Care, The Choral Life

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Who Will You Choose?

March 25, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta 1 Comment

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

One of our sons is also a musician and when he was quite young and had started lessons, we played a game. It was a game my parents played with me when I began ballet and music lessons. I’d like to share it here with you.

It starts out with a question: If you had to choose to work with a certain musician, whom would you choose to work with? These two musicians are quite different. One person is profoundly talented, bordering on Genius, and the other is a particularly Good Musician but not a genius. What makes this a dilemma is that the Genius Musician is difficult to work with, never prepared despite being a genius and throws temper tantrums. The Good Musician is always prepared, easy to work with and a nice person.

A performance might be musically better with the Genius, but not always because of the stress of their behavior on the other musicians. And the performance might be a better with the simply Good Musician because everyone will be able to relax and make music, instead of waiting for the Genius’s nonsense to finish. Even if the performance is not quite up to the standards of the Genius, the experience will have been more pleasant and less stressful.

There are no right or wrong answers, but the game’s purpose is to get you thinking about behavior in a collaborative setting. Most of the time, young artists say they’d like to work with the Genius and will put up with whatever is thrown at them. Then, they have to WORK with an insufferable genius (or someone who thinks they are a genius) and then they see the beauty of working with someone “merely” good. There are pros and cons for both sides which might change depending on the circumstances. I have been thinking a lot about this game, remembering conversations I had with my parents as a child and conversations I had with my son when he was a child.

This begs the question: why do we put up with terrible, criminal, morally corrupt behavior if someone is considered a genius? Are they entitled to a pass if they are special? The recent death of a certain conductor (you all know who it is, and I am NOT going to type that man’s name!) has got me thinking; why do we do it?

I have a connection, however distant, to that conductor. One of my best friends sang in, and was shop steward for, a symphony chorus that conductor regularly worked with. We’d go out to dinner often with my friend and he’d tell stories behind the scenes. He once told me, when that fellow was conducting, they would warn the new, young looking male singers to never go to the restroom by themselves. I asked why, and my friend told me. This was in the late 1980s/early 1990s so if I knew about this then, why didn’t others and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

When we tolerate abhorrent behavior, aren’t we telling everyone it doesn’t it matter if you do AWFUL things, as long as you sing or conduct or play above a certain standard? Aren’t we making those who believe they are entitled truly FEEL ENTITLED?

Occasionally, someone does something so ridiculous, so unacceptable, they ARE asked to leave. That was the reason a certain opera company’s stagehands wore tee-shirts stating “I Survived the Battle” after a certain Diva was asked to leave. This is an exception but not the rule. When folks are consistently expected to behavior in a professional way, they usually do. When they do whatever they want and there are no repercussions, they get worse in their behavior.

So, who will YOU choose?

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Filed Under: Choral Culture, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Leadership, Self Care, The Choral Life

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: What Does Self-Care Mean to You?

March 18, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.” William Morris

I mentioned in my last blog of February, we’d be taking a look at self-care for the month of March. Earlier in the year, I contacted a few of my usual correspondents and asked them to share ways they were using self-care to get through these challenging times. Instead, most responded with how they were getting through creatively, no mention of self-care. Many told me they initially felt out of control and miserable but figured out a way of overcoming those challenges. I went with their stories first. But today I’d like to share Darlene’s* story, a story of a surprising version of self-care.

Darlene is Director of Choirs at a medium/large sized congregation. She usually directs the adult choir and bell choir, while supervising the children’s choir and theater troop, which are directed by others. During much of the past year, she has not been as busy as she normally is and hasn’t directed a choir rehearsal since last March. She’s been singing for Zoom worship services since last Easter, but it’s still taken a toll on her emotionally.

Her spouse has been working from home since the beginning of the Pandemic. Their kids had been out of the house for a few years, and they had often thought about down-sizing but never had the time to figure out what that meant. In the meantime, because of the Pandemic, one of their daughters had to move back home and was working from home too. It was all so cozy but a bit frustrating since no one felt like doing housework or cooking.

At the beginning of the summer, they realized their house was filthy, they weren’t having regular meals, were all unkempt and felt tired and overwhelmed. They had LOTS of time on their hands and all of them kept meaning to do something. One day in frustration, Darlene kicked her spouse and daughter out of the kitchen so she could clean. Her daughter then volunteered to clean out the refrigerator and her spouse told her he would wash the floor. They decided to make it a family project, they chose a room in the house to super clean every few days until the whole house was spotless and organized. They didn’t clean on the weekends, since Darlene had to sing for Zoom services, and after almost four weeks, the house was presentable again.  

Surprisingly, they all felt better too. During the summer, Darlene touched up her roots, her spouse trimmed his beard, and their daughter began to wear actual clothes instead of pajamas. They took online courses together or watched movies in the evenings. They tried to keep to a schedule of regular hours if at all possible. They did things together they enjoyed.

Since last autumn, they’ve made sure each has their own “private time,” neither work time nor family time, which is respected by the rest of the household. And Darlene makes sure she has regular time to practice, no matter what! They each make dinner twice a week or order out to support local restaurants. They’ve worked at keeping up with household chores and their own grooming and that’s made a difference in their attitude about being “stuck” together.

Darlene tells me she wasn’t sure if she should respond to my inquiry about self-care during a Pandemic. Or if what her family was doing WAS self-care. But after really thinking about it, believes it is. Living in a relatively clean house, having regular meals and getting away from each other occasionally may not seem like self-care, but in a Pandemic, it sounds good to me!

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Filed Under: Choral Culture, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Difficult Times, pandemic, Self Care, The Choral Life

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way

March 11, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment

“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” Thomas A. Edison

For the month of March, we’re taking a look at ways we can handle these challenging times in a more creative way. I’ve contacted several of my usual correspondents, and most have told me at first, they felt out of control and miserable. Eventually they realized the sooner they accepted not being control of their situation because of the Pandemic, the sooner they could BE in control of what they could be in control of.  And each of these people have their own way. Today we look at Mario’s* way.

Mario will never forget getting that call a year ago. His school was being closed until further notice. His students and his own grade school age children would not be in school, while his spouse, a physician, would still be working. Instead of being in the classroom, he was not sure what he would be doing, other than keeping his kids safe and worrying about his spouse.

But Mario tells me, at the time he was happy he received an actual phone call and not an email or a text. He knew it was coming because his spouse is a health care worker, but it was still great he got a call because many of his teaching colleague friends at other institutions did not. He feels grateful he began his whole Pandemic experience with a slightly more upbeat attitude. The confusion he heard in his principal’s voice made him believe no one had all the answers or were pretending they did and somehow that comforted him.

School became virtual last April and he was teaching AND supervising his own children’s virtual school. His spouse stayed at a hotel for the month of April; both agreed it was safer for their family if she did. He was doing everything, including things his spouse usually did, and was exhausted most days. When he tried to sleep at night, he worried about his wife’s health working with COVID patients, and all the things he needed to do to run their household. He was a mess.

The turning point came for him the beginning of May when his wife was supposed to finally come home. She was worried about exposing their family and told him she didn’t know what to do. They decided she would come home, stay in their basement for two weeks, and take it from there, which is what happened. They talked through the basement door most nights after their kids went to bed. They decided she would not go back to her fulltime position at the medical group practice just yet, becoming part-time so she could help with their children’s virtual classes.

At that point, Mario decided to take charge of his program, because he didn’t know what the future would hold. In addition to virtual classes, he set up voice lessons and sectionals for his singers via Zoom. His music appreciation students could get extra credit by taking voice lessons. He was super busy but in late June, as school was “officially” ending for the school year, all his students had a virtual talent show. The students loved it, the parents loved it and the administration loved it.

Last fall, Mario’s high school began virtually, with most classes going to a hybrid model the first of the year. The choral program has remained virtual but is thriving despite that. This year’s talent show is sure to be a hit again and the administration is looking forward to it too. He is hopeful, with the vaccine, life will get back to normal for the coming fall. He has learned so much about the technical aspect of virtual performances, Mario knows he will keep the talent show, both in-person AND virtually.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I have been regularly taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page but am not able to this week . I should be back NEXT week. See you then!

Filed Under: Choral Culture, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Difficult Times, Leadership, pandemic, The Choral Life

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