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Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Do Unto Others…….

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“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.” George Bernard Shaw

I read some interesting parenting advice a few days ago that got me thinking. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was how I raised my own children. What was this nugget of wisdom that had me thinking about how I raised my kids? It was a cleverly worded version of the The Golden Rule: “do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was not only the way I chose to raise my children but also how I choose to direct my choirs. There was PLENTY my own teachers, directors and conductors did that was right and helpful as well as much I knew I would do differently. In fact, my Choral Ethics Project is based on, in part, what some of my teachers did or did not do. I’d like to share a bit of what I mean about “doing unto my singers, what I wish my directors had done unto me.”

I try new things, but I don’t change what works. I sang in a church’s children’s choir from the age of 6 or 7 until I was about 14 or 15. During that time, we had three directors; one who was excellent and two who were so-so. Those two, supposedly, had much more experience with children, but we were the first children’s choir of the excellent director. All were men and were directors of ALL the church’s choirs. Two believed it was a come down to be directing children (one was a virtuosic organist and the other was a composer) and the third was a tenor who loved to teach. The organist and composer changed our warm-ups every single rehearsal and as a result, got different vocal results every time. The tenor asked us, at our first rehearsal, what our favorite warm-ups were. He added a few of his own and we kept the same basic warm-ups the whole time he was with us. He too, occasionally tried new things, but didn’t change our warm-ups because not only were they fun to do but taught basic vocal technique. We were ready for him every rehearsal and would start them ourselves if he were a smidge late.

I am organized. I had a director in high school who was not organized AT ALL, but he was a fabulous musician and director. We sang some great music, we sounded great, and our concerts were wonderful. I had so much fun with him, I never thought his disorganization could have had a negative impact on us. Later I often wondered how much better we would have been if he had spent some time getting folders together before we walked into his classroom. Or if he had given us all the dates of our concerts, shows and school assemblies at the beginning of every semester or something like that. He was always scrambling so WE were always scrambling, and it wasn’t necessary.

I’m prepared for rehearsal; with a list of items I’d like to accomplish. I loved my undergrad conducting professor. He was a wonderful director, conducting pedagogue and a kind man. I noticed almost from the first rehearsal I had with him he had a yellow legal pad next to his score on the podium. He would check things off as rehearsal progressed. One day I asked him about his pad of paper, and he told me it was his rehearsal plan. When I took my first conducting course with him, he told our class he got a great deal of satisfaction from checking things off his list. There were times he didn’t accomplish everything on that list but said he thought it was still a good rehearsal if he accomplished at least 75% of them. I’ve carried that thought with me; you don’t have to get everything done you’d like but if you do most of them, it’s still a good rehearsal.

I never call anyone nasty names to their face.  When I was an undergrad, I participated in a master class with a famous-ish choral conductor/composer. When it was my turn to conduct, he stopped me and called me a “no talent witch” (wink-wink). Thirty minutes later, he said my ictus was “elegant.” What I did in the first place to have him call me a “witch,” I’ll never know but I was totally petrified by the time he complimented me. I’ve never forgotten how I felt when he called me that name. And I still don’t know what he meant by an elegant ictus!

What did your directors, teachers and conductors do or NOT do that has shaped how you teach, direct and conduct? What do you wish they had done differently? Please share in the comments below.

Until next week, be well and be safe!

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Who Will You Choose?

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“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

One of our sons is also a musician and when he was quite young and had started lessons, we played a game. It was a game my parents played with me when I began ballet and music lessons. I’d like to share it here with you.

It starts out with a question: If you had to choose to work with a certain musician, whom would you choose to work with? These two musicians are quite different. One person is profoundly talented, bordering on Genius, and the other is a particularly Good Musician but not a genius. What makes this a dilemma is that the Genius Musician is difficult to work with, never prepared despite being a genius and throws temper tantrums. The Good Musician is always prepared, easy to work with and a nice person.

A performance might be musically better with the Genius, but not always because of the stress of their behavior on the other musicians. And the performance might be a better with the simply Good Musician because everyone will be able to relax and make music, instead of waiting for the Genius’s nonsense to finish. Even if the performance is not quite up to the standards of the Genius, the experience will have been more pleasant and less stressful.

There are no right or wrong answers, but the game’s purpose is to get you thinking about behavior in a collaborative setting. Most of the time, young artists say they’d like to work with the Genius and will put up with whatever is thrown at them. Then, they have to WORK with an insufferable genius (or someone who thinks they are a genius) and then they see the beauty of working with someone “merely” good. There are pros and cons for both sides which might change depending on the circumstances. I have been thinking a lot about this game, remembering conversations I had with my parents as a child and conversations I had with my son when he was a child.

This begs the question: why do we put up with terrible, criminal, morally corrupt behavior if someone is considered a genius? Are they entitled to a pass if they are special? The recent death of a certain conductor (you all know who it is, and I am NOT going to type that man’s name!) has got me thinking; why do we do it?

I have a connection, however distant, to that conductor. One of my best friends sang in, and was shop steward for, a symphony chorus that conductor regularly worked with. We’d go out to dinner often with my friend and he’d tell stories behind the scenes. He once told me, when that fellow was conducting, they would warn the new, young looking male singers to never go to the restroom by themselves. I asked why, and my friend told me. This was in the late 1980s/early 1990s so if I knew about this then, why didn’t others and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

When we tolerate abhorrent behavior, aren’t we telling everyone it doesn’t it matter if you do AWFUL things, as long as you sing or conduct or play above a certain standard? Aren’t we making those who believe they are entitled truly FEEL ENTITLED?

Occasionally, someone does something so ridiculous, so unacceptable, they ARE asked to leave. That was the reason a certain opera company’s stagehands wore tee-shirts stating “I Survived the Battle” after a certain Diva was asked to leave. This is an exception but not the rule. When folks are consistently expected to behavior in a professional way, they usually do. When they do whatever they want and there are no repercussions, they get worse in their behavior.

So, who will YOU choose?

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: What Does Self-Care Mean to You?

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“The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.” William Morris

I mentioned in my last blog of February, we’d be taking a look at self-care for the month of March. Earlier in the year, I contacted a few of my usual correspondents and asked them to share ways they were using self-care to get through these challenging times. Instead, most responded with how they were getting through creatively, no mention of self-care. Many told me they initially felt out of control and miserable but figured out a way of overcoming those challenges. I went with their stories first. But today I’d like to share Darlene’s* story, a story of a surprising version of self-care.

Darlene is Director of Choirs at a medium/large sized congregation. She usually directs the adult choir and bell choir, while supervising the children’s choir and theater troop, which are directed by others. During much of the past year, she has not been as busy as she normally is and hasn’t directed a choir rehearsal since last March. She’s been singing for Zoom worship services since last Easter, but it’s still taken a toll on her emotionally.

Her spouse has been working from home since the beginning of the Pandemic. Their kids had been out of the house for a few years, and they had often thought about down-sizing but never had the time to figure out what that meant. In the meantime, because of the Pandemic, one of their daughters had to move back home and was working from home too. It was all so cozy but a bit frustrating since no one felt like doing housework or cooking.

At the beginning of the summer, they realized their house was filthy, they weren’t having regular meals, were all unkempt and felt tired and overwhelmed. They had LOTS of time on their hands and all of them kept meaning to do something. One day in frustration, Darlene kicked her spouse and daughter out of the kitchen so she could clean. Her daughter then volunteered to clean out the refrigerator and her spouse told her he would wash the floor. They decided to make it a family project, they chose a room in the house to super clean every few days until the whole house was spotless and organized. They didn’t clean on the weekends, since Darlene had to sing for Zoom services, and after almost four weeks, the house was presentable again.  

Surprisingly, they all felt better too. During the summer, Darlene touched up her roots, her spouse trimmed his beard, and their daughter began to wear actual clothes instead of pajamas. They took online courses together or watched movies in the evenings. They tried to keep to a schedule of regular hours if at all possible. They did things together they enjoyed.

Since last autumn, they’ve made sure each has their own “private time,” neither work time nor family time, which is respected by the rest of the household. And Darlene makes sure she has regular time to practice, no matter what! They each make dinner twice a week or order out to support local restaurants. They’ve worked at keeping up with household chores and their own grooming and that’s made a difference in their attitude about being “stuck” together.

Darlene tells me she wasn’t sure if she should respond to my inquiry about self-care during a Pandemic. Or if what her family was doing WAS self-care. But after really thinking about it, believes it is. Living in a relatively clean house, having regular meals and getting away from each other occasionally may not seem like self-care, but in a Pandemic, it sounds good to me!

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way

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“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” Thomas A. Edison

For the month of March, we’re taking a look at ways we can handle these challenging times in a more creative way. I’ve contacted several of my usual correspondents, and most have told me at first, they felt out of control and miserable. Eventually they realized the sooner they accepted not being control of their situation because of the Pandemic, the sooner they could BE in control of what they could be in control of.  And each of these people have their own way. Today we look at Mario’s* way.

Mario will never forget getting that call a year ago. His school was being closed until further notice. His students and his own grade school age children would not be in school, while his spouse, a physician, would still be working. Instead of being in the classroom, he was not sure what he would be doing, other than keeping his kids safe and worrying about his spouse.

But Mario tells me, at the time he was happy he received an actual phone call and not an email or a text. He knew it was coming because his spouse is a health care worker, but it was still great he got a call because many of his teaching colleague friends at other institutions did not. He feels grateful he began his whole Pandemic experience with a slightly more upbeat attitude. The confusion he heard in his principal’s voice made him believe no one had all the answers or were pretending they did and somehow that comforted him.

School became virtual last April and he was teaching AND supervising his own children’s virtual school. His spouse stayed at a hotel for the month of April; both agreed it was safer for their family if she did. He was doing everything, including things his spouse usually did, and was exhausted most days. When he tried to sleep at night, he worried about his wife’s health working with COVID patients, and all the things he needed to do to run their household. He was a mess.

The turning point came for him the beginning of May when his wife was supposed to finally come home. She was worried about exposing their family and told him she didn’t know what to do. They decided she would come home, stay in their basement for two weeks, and take it from there, which is what happened. They talked through the basement door most nights after their kids went to bed. They decided she would not go back to her fulltime position at the medical group practice just yet, becoming part-time so she could help with their children’s virtual classes.

At that point, Mario decided to take charge of his program, because he didn’t know what the future would hold. In addition to virtual classes, he set up voice lessons and sectionals for his singers via Zoom. His music appreciation students could get extra credit by taking voice lessons. He was super busy but in late June, as school was “officially” ending for the school year, all his students had a virtual talent show. The students loved it, the parents loved it and the administration loved it.

Last fall, Mario’s high school began virtually, with most classes going to a hybrid model the first of the year. The choral program has remained virtual but is thriving despite that. This year’s talent show is sure to be a hit again and the administration is looking forward to it too. He is hopeful, with the vaccine, life will get back to normal for the coming fall. He has learned so much about the technical aspect of virtual performances, Mario knows he will keep the talent show, both in-person AND virtually.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I have been regularly taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page but am not able to this week . I should be back NEXT week. See you then!

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Making the Best of It

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“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Theodore Roosevelt

It’s been almost a year since the world changed because of COVID-19. A year in which most of us have not been directing or singing or doing anything remotely resembling our normal lives. Many of us have used Zoom and other platforms to connect with our family, friends as well as our singers. It’s not perfect but it’s what we have right now. In addition to Zoom, we try other ways of rehearsing which are also not perfect; we are tired and frustrated. For the month of March, we’ll look at ways we can handle these challenging times in a more helpful way.

We are all frustrated and we are all tired. And we are all fed up with having to adjust to situations not of our own making. Some have adjusted to this “new normal” or whatever tired and cliché term we use. Some have not. What can we learn from those who seem to able handle things fairly well?

Most of the folks I have recently contacted about this subject tell me at first, they felt out of control and miserable. Eventually they realized the sooner they accepted not being control of their situation because of the Pandemic, the sooner they could BE in control of what they could be in control of. Sounds simple, right? And each of the people I corresponded with have their own way of being in control of what they can be in control of. We will look at Bonnie’s way today.

Bonnie* tells me she was unhappy when her spring concerts were cancelled. Of course, they needed to be cancelled, she understood that, but it didn’t lessen her unhappiness. Her Board came together a number of times via Zoom during the summer to sort things out for the fall. They decided they would begin Zoom rehearsals around their usual fall starting date and try for a virtual fall concert. After experimenting with all sorts of recording scenarios, they finally came up with consistent way of recording each singer for five different selections for their fall concert. If it had been up to Bonnie, she would have thrown in the towel after the first awful recording. But her Board was insistent they try different things until they got it right and eventually, they did. They also had an abbreviated virtual holiday concert. Her spring Zoom rehearsals begin next week and she’s looking forward to them. She’s happy her Board was insistent.

Do you beat yourself up because a Zoom rehearsal did not go perfectly? A friend of mine has remarked that on Zoom, the first fifteen minutes of a Zoom meeting is all about Zoom. He’s right. With different speeds of WiFi and busy connections, things sometimes don’t go smoothly. But usually within those first fifteen minutes of a Zoom rehearsal, things eventually get in line, yet we feel we’ve wasted time sorting out the technology. Do we chuck Zoom, or do we live with it and make the best of it while we must?

It’s tough to hear our singers spread out in a parking lot or other large spaces. We certainly all understand and yet we are impatient with our singers and ourselves because of the challenges. Do we forgo singing spread out in large spaces because we can’t hear properly? If it is the only way we are able to have an in-person rehearsal, what are our other choices?

If we are not rehearsing with our ensembles, we have a different set of challenges than those who are able to Zoom rehearse or rehearse in a socially distanced manner. Is our organization going to be disbanded? Is our school program being discontinued? Is our ensemble “on hold”? Are our wonderful staff members furloughed and, rightfully, seeking other employment? Are the plans for “After COVID” being shared with any staff? Is everything so “up in the air” you have no idea what the status of your situation is? It isn’t especially confidence building to have things uncertain and in flux, and yet they are.

Next week, we’ll look at another one of my correspondent’s way of coping with these challenging times. Please share your own comments and ideas below.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

*Name Withheld

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Leaving the Past Behind

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“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” Voltaire

For the month of February, I decided to share portions of a file of letters from a former singer of mine, Edie,* and others. Today, I’d like to share portions of several letters as well as my perspective about the whole situation. Hindsight is always 20/20 and with time and age, things become clearer. These letters bring back a period in my life I had forgotten and it’s clear to me why I had forgotten.

First, I’d like to share a portion of a card I received from one of my favorite singers, Betty*. The foster Mom of a young child with Downs Syndrome, we had a lot in common raising special needs children. Her child died a year before we left the area and soon after, her husband filed for divorce. She was a wonderful person, going through a lot in a short period of time and I missed her.

“…..but I have not been able to sing in the choir because of my (new) work hours. Recently I gained knowledge about serious problems between some choir members, the new director and Dotty*. I think it is unfortunate that the problems here have been unloaded on you.”

And they really were unloaded on me.

Edie’s February 1 letter of that year explains what happened recently and complains about the minister’s lack of leadership.

“Well Dotty quit and I (the trouble maker) dropped out. All the way out that is. I do not care to go where the truth cannot be told and those who do are condemned.”

She continues:

“What kind of @#%&*$ minister is Mitchell* anyway?”

She then tells me what she means, which I won’t share here because it was all quite convoluted. Her next letter, dated February 15, was almost identical to the February 1 letter. Other than hoping my family was well and telling me about the weather, it was practically verbatim. In the last letter I have from her, dated July 6, she told me about her wonderful new church and their great choir. Oh, and she complained A LOT about another choir member (from the old church):

“Babs* has been calling me quite often and I hate talking to her because she never knows when to stop talking and you can’t get a word in edgewise. Motor mouth I call her. Last week though, I figured I should call her even though I hated to. She started in about the church and how awful it was with no music at all, no choir, no soloist and how dull it was.”

She said they started yelling at each other about the whole situation and Babs hung up on her.

“Is everybody at that Church nuts? I didn’t start in about the church–she did. One thing is certain she did me a big favor. I won’t have to listen to her babble for over an hour about God knows what. I could never figure out what she was talking about.” She ends telling me about the unusual summer weather the area was having and signed off with love for me and my family. I have no other correspondence with her and never heard from her again to my knowledge.

I haven’t mentioned this before, but my Mom grew up in the town where I worked, and my Grandmother lived six blocks from that church. Gram attended a church not too far away and had heard about everything that was happening at my old place of employment. In fact, Dotty was hired to be her church’s new organist soon after she resigned. Gram knew EVERYTHING and I spoke with her once a week. Everyone knew my Grandmother, so even if they didn’t know about Dotty, they knew Gram would be talking to me. If Edie thought she was telling me something I didn’t know, she was mistaken.

Most who contacted me were gossiping, tattling and generally being ugly about the whole thing. More than once on a phone call, I reminded folks I was several states away, not in their employ and trying to start a new chapter of my life. I had three young children, a substitute teaching job, a spouse doing a fellowship who was rarely home, with no time to be a referee. It was unfair to expect me to.

What should I have done? I should have ignored the letters. I should have asked callers not to put me in the middle of a situation I had nothing to do with, hanging up if they continued. Other than my obligation writing the annual report for the six months I had been music director the previous year; I should have discontinued contact with all those folks. Once it became apparent they were trying to suck me back in, I should have stepped away. It should have been easy but because I loved my choir and many were my friends, it was difficult. As a result, I did not have good feelings about that congregation, and it makes me sad to remember. Something to think about in your own situations.

In March, Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics will be talking about self-care. I hope you’ll share some of your strategies too!

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I’ve been taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page since April/May 2020. Unfortunately, I am not able to record today’s blog but should be back NEXT WEEK, March 4. See you then!

*Name Withheld

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