• Sign In
  • ACDA.org
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
ChoralNet

ChoralNet

The professional networking site for the global online choral community.

  • Home
  • Blog
  • ACDA News
  • Events
  • Community
    • Announcements
    • Classifieds

Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Long Distance Gossip

February 11, 2021 by Marie Grass Amenta Leave a Comment


“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.” Bertrand Russell

I mentioned last week for the first time in YEARS, I don’t have concerts or gigs pending and have had time to be around the house much more, so we decided to do some home improvements. The basement re-do is finished and the KITCHEN re-do has begun. The household is in flux, but the upside is we’ve been organizing as we go.

I’ve found things I had forgotten about, including a file of letters from a former singer of mine, Edie*, who sang in my church choir from a long-ago position. These letters were sent soon after my departure from that job I loved at the beginning and merely tolerated at the end. In the letters, Edie complained about my replacement, and more. What she expected me to do, I’ll never know, but she went into detail and gave her opinions. Most of the letters were gossip, pure and simple, with some polite inquiries about my family thrown in. She tended toward the nasty-side of things, behaving such that we can understand why Church Ladies get a bad rap.

Last week, I mentioned I would share portions of a few of these letters and give you my feelings with a Choral Ethics perspective. Today I will share portions of a letter with the earliest date (if I had gotten earlier letters, I’m sure I would have saved them too) but this seems to be the beginning of our correspondence.

Edie began her letter with the weather, what the temperatures had been like that January and how much snow they had gotten at that point.

She continues:

“As you may know by now the church has a new choir director. That is what she calls herself, but she sure is pulling the wool over somebody’s eyes! She comes in late for rehearsals and leaves early. She can not keep an even tempo when she tries to direct. She sings flat and tries to blame Dotty* (the organist). Both Dotty and I have tried to speak to her to help her but she just ignores Dotty and has laughed at me. Believe it or not I have not gone back into the choir since Christmas and as long as they keep paying her for doing nothing, I don’t intend to go back.”

She continues:

“Not only is this girl a farce as a director is concerned, she is a vulgar and crude person.” She gives examples of her crudeness and goes on:

“Poor Dotty is the one I feel sorry for. This girl has not only been rude to her but has gone so far as to tell her how to play the organ. She doesn’t realize Dotty has been playing before she was born. I know Dotty has been in tears several times and if she ever walks out the church will suffer a great loss.”

After wondering about the competence of the church secretary and how early in the week music selections need to be submitted, she goes on:

“Barb*, Kath* (choir members) and others are also disgusted but I think are too chicken to let their feelings be known. It is too bad this young woman is being paid for doing absolutely nothing but pulling a good bluff.”

Edie ends her letter asking about my children, their new school district and hopes we are all well.

I am still a bit shocked by Edie’s letters. At the beginning, I’m sure it was a bit flattering to be contacted, but also irritating to be pulled into a drama I was happy to leave. Here are my thoughts about those letters. As I re-read them, I tried to imagine what their purpose was, and could not. When I advise ChoralNetters about their own Choral Ethics dilemmas, I always ask them to think about what purpose/motive someone could have for doing something. I thought I’d take my own advice.

Other than inform me what was happening at my old place of employment, there was no purpose. In later letters, Edie tries to make me feel guilty for leaving or possibly not giving the congregation enough time to find a decent replacement. When I was hired, it was not a secret my spouse was doing a medical residency and we would be moving on at some point. And I gave them one year’s notice I would be leaving so Edie’s guilt-tripping didn’t matter. This first letter set the stage for what was to come, and believe me, there is more to come.

Until next week, be well and be safe.

I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning! https://www.facebook.com/themidwestmotetsociety/

*Name Withheld


Filed Under: Choral Culture, Choral Ethics, Choral Potpourri, Church Choir, Difficult Times, Leadership, Self Care, The Choral Life

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

  • ACDA.org
  • The ChoralNet Daily Newsletter
Advertise on ChoralNet

On This Day
June 25

With no prior conducting experience, Arturo Toscanini made his conducting debut in Rio de Janeiro performing Verdi’s opera “Aida” from memory on this day in 1886.

Would you like to submit a blog post for consideration?

Are you interested in becoming a regular ChoralNet blogger? Please contact ACDA Director of Membership & Communications Sundra Flansburg at .

RSS JW Pepper

  • 5 Things to Consider When Buying Color Guard Equipment
  • PYO Music Institute Presents the 9th Annual Ovation Award in Partnership with J.W. Pepper, Jacobs Music, and WRTI 90.1 FM
  • 10 Easy-To-Learn Funky Tunes for the Stands
  • Zoom F3 Field Recorder Review: The Easiest Way to Get Pro Audio for Your Music Ensembles
  • J.W. Pepper Names Eric King as New Chief Financial Officer
  • The Music Teachers’ Guide to Recording an Ensemble: The Samson C02 Mics Review
  • The Zoom Q8n-4K Handy Video Recorder Review
  • Directors & Parents: Download Our New Contest & Festival Checklist
  • If You Love West Side Story, Listen to These!
  • The Music of Rita Moreno, a West Side Story Icon

RSS NAfME

  • Assessing the Standards: An Exploration of the Respond Model Cornerstone Assessment
  • Nearly Half of the 2023 GRAMMY Music Educator AwardTM Quarterfinalists Are NAfME Members
  • Reevaluating Professional Practice
  • The Importance of Knowledge Transfer in Music Education
  • Star-Songs and Constellations: Lessons from the Global Jukebox
  • NAfME Endorses the Reopen and Rebuild America’s Schools Act of 2021
  • 5 Things Teachers Can Do to Recharge over the Summer
  • 2022 Call for Applications: SRME Executive Committee
  • Yay Storytime! Musical Adventures with Children’s Picture Books, Part Sixteen
  • Yay Storytime! Musical Adventures with Children’s Picture Books, Part Fifteen

Footer

Connect with us!

  • Home
  • About
  • Help
  • Contact Us
  • ACDA.org

Recent Blogs

  • Dropping the Covid Ball with Dr. Nikki Johnson
  • Choral Potpourri/Choral Ethics: Pretension
  • The Schwa [ə] Flaw: Why We Rarely Sing [ə] and What We are Singing Instead
  • Recharge: Creation and J.S. Bach
  • From Matt to Matthew to All of Us: A Cathartic Transformation in Craig Hella Johnson’s Considering Matthew Shepard

American Choral Directors Association

PO Box 1705
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
73101-1705

© 2022 American Choral Directors Association. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy