“The month of May was come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit.” Thomas Malory
I had big plans for May 2020, BIG PLANS.
On May 1, I was to be singing with my Alumni Chorus (along with the Kiddos in the Conservatory Chorus and Orchestra), performing my favorite large choral work of all time, Stravinsky’s “Symphony of Psalms.” Rehearsals had begun in late January and it had already been a WONDERFUL experience. Dr. Cheryl Frazes Hill was insightful, fun and I was learning so much. Rehearsals continued through February and the first of the Alum rehearsals in March would be in mid-March, due to a conflicting concert in the Conservatory as well as their Spring Break.
We began rehearsals for my chamber choir the second week of March and those first two rehearsals showed such promise for good things this concert cycle; I was so delighted! You know what happened after that.
Throughout the month of May, I was to have rehearsals in preparation for my chamber choir’s May 31 concert. I help organize professional development after-hours cocktail networking for an arts alliance I work with and May 20 was to have been the date for one such event this spring. There were various other rehearsals, sessions, coffee and lunch meetings already set up. And of, course, they never happened. Every time I looked at the calendar, it was to notice something which did NOT occur, but after the fact.
I feel especially dragged out and “blah” this week. It wasn’t until I looked at the date and realized this was to be our concert week I understood why. I should have been writing program notes, running to get things printed, making sure pianos were tuned, either being crabby or giddy and serving frozen pizza to my family. Those normal things for me during a concert week are not happening and my heart remembered, even if I did not.
So, folks, I am going with it, letting myself grieve or mourn or whatever we call this strange emotion of emptiness for all those events we’ve missed because of COVID-19. If I KNEW our fall concert would occur, perhaps I wouldn’t feel this way, but everything is in such flux, it’s hard to know. I’ve decided to wash windows and curtains this week, so I will be productive, and let myself feel what I feel while I do it.
Many of you are in similar circumstances; you are grieving (mourning—can someone come up with a better name for this?) all those concerts and recitals you were supposed to do which did not, or will not, happen. So, feel what you feel; these are honest and legitimate emotions in these circumstances. As the dates fly by, let yourself regret not being able to do what you do.
I plan to watch the latest webinar given by our Vocal Arts Leaders after my concert date. Perhaps what they offer will bring us all hope as to what we CAN DO in the near future. But right now, I need to keep busy and productive to get through the next few days; thinking about the future can wait.
Until next week, be well.
I am taking my Choral Ethics Blogs to my chamber choir’s Facebook page for the foreseeable future. Please join me there this morning!